This question comes to us from a mom. She says that her husband has been very good and very supportive throughout the pregnancy, but has recently made more and more comments about feeling left out. Things like baby showers, phone calls, people checking, it’s all pretty much about mom and the babies. She asks, “Is there something that I can do to help him, to include him more, to show him more love and support?”
Mom Gets Most of the Attention
That’s a great question. I too kind of felt left out, kind of like you’re describing your husband. A lot of the attention does go to mom and to the twins and that’s kind of natural because it’s very obvious that mom is expecting twins. And the dad is kind of on the outside looking in; however, to help mitigate that, I did take advantage of doctor visits and ultrasounds to go with my wife and see and hear what was happening with the babies. This way I felt very involved in the pregnancy and the progress of our twins despite any external attention that I did or did not receive. Of course my number one priority was to help my wife stay healthy and my twins, who were yet to be born, to be healthy and progressing toward a healthy birth. And one thing you might consider is encouraging some of your husband’s friends to have a shower for him with a guy theme, focused on practical tools, supplies, etc. that will help get him and the house ready for the twin’s arrival, or even to have some fun before the twins arrive. One idea is to give a bunch of frozen dinners that he can serve the family while the twins are newborns and Mom is recovering.
You may even consider encouraging some of your friends to have a joint baby shower where both you and dad are invited together. Perhaps this may be with coworkers or with mutual friends where you can share in the fun together. Have your husband reach out to the local multiples group in your area. They often have groups for dads where they may have dad’s night out, or some groups for dads that meet together often. There he can share his feelings and experiences with those who are also expecting twins or fathers who have already had twins in the past. In podcast 56, I talked about how you can support your husband through the twin pregnancy, so you can also check that out.
This question was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 58: Dad’s Attention During Pregnancy, Baby Proofing, Bathing Twins Solo.