The question is, “I’ve got a concern about the twins and equality. What do I do about sharing time, love, et cetera?” So we talked in the past about the divided attention that you will have with twins. So I invite you to go back and check out episode number 68, “How to handle when your attention is divided between your twins,” and episode 65 about spending one-on-one time with each of your twins.
Fair Doesn’t Always Mean Equal
You need to ask yourself this question: Do you need to be equal with your twins? We have a saying here in our house that “Fair doesn’t always mean equal.” And when we say that, the kids don’t always like that statement. However, it is true and may help you as you parent your twins.
I understand the need to want to be equal with your twins, but often times, that’s not practical or even possible. So ask yourself that question, do you need to be equal when you’re starting to struggle with that issue?
If you are mindful of wanting to be equal and sharing attention, time, and so on with your twins, you’ll be fine because you’ll be very aware and conscious that it could be an issue.
Remember that your twins don’t always need the same things to be equal. So when you think about the stuff that they’re going to get, the baby-gear, the clothes, the toys, the items for their bedroom, the things to keep them busy, maybe consider going for one of each type of thing. That way, it kind of encourages them to share with each other.
Our girls, for example, for the first couple of years, we dressed them in different color clothes. So even though they may have had similar outfits, they were always very different. And later, they were encouraged to then share their clothes with one another. That helped them have fairness, but not necessarily equalness.
Now, one thing I do recommend is that you always get two different birthday cakes for their birthdays, so that each feel individually celebrated and loved. And, of course, it doesn’t hurt to have two birthday cakes because they might just give you some leftovers too.
This topic was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 69: Equality, Helping Mom’s Mental Health, Day Care. Picture by surlygirl.