So this question comes from a fellow dad who’s expecting twins, and he says that his wife is getting less and less comfortable and sleeping less and less and tossing more as the pregnancy goes on. He says to help the problem they are sleeping apart periodically. They get better sleep, but he’s worried about the precedent that will set with their marriage, and he wonders if I have any advice.
So first of all, keep in mind that your wife will not get good sleep during the twin pregnancy. In fact as the pregnancy progresses, it will get harder and harder for her to get a good night’s sleep. So every passing night, things are probably going to get worse and she’s going to be more and more uncomfortable. More stirring during the night, more waking during the night and that in turn is going to affect you, especially as her bed partner.
We did find that my wife got some relief from a pregnancy pillow that she used to help prop up different parts of her body to get more comfortable during the night. So that would definitely be worth a try for you and your wife in this situation.
However, both your sleep routines are going to be disrupted during the pregnancy regardless of who’s sleeping where and if you have a pregnancy pillow or not. In a way this kind of prepares you for what to expect when you’re up at night caring for newborn twins after they’re born. So while it is good to get used to dealing with restless nights and sleep deprivation, it’s definitely not the ideal situation.
Sleeping Separately During a Twin Pregnancy
So sleeping in different rooms on different beds may help you get a better night’s sleep, but it won’t necessarily help mom. As far as setting a precedent about sleeping apart, you can definitely prevent that from happening. You don’t want to have this temporary habit to be a long-term marriage habit where you are both sleeping in different rooms. You can prevent a long-term change of direction by having an open and honest discussion with each other. Talk about how the pregnancy is temporary.
The twins of course will arrive eventually, and both of you want to do what is necessary to help mom and the babies stay healthy, and make sure everyone gets the rest they need. But sleeping apart isn’t the long-term plan. You need to make sure you tell that to each other so that you understand that it’s just for the next few months until the babies arrive, and that you definitely look forward to getting back into a more normal sleep routine once the twins arrive, hopefully sharing the same bed.
Of course, your sleep routine after the twins are born will be changed for other reasons, because you’ll be up taking care of them, but that’s a bridge that you’ll have to cross after they’re born.
This question was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 56: Good Sleep During Twin Pregnancy, Supporting Your Spouse, Twin Interactions.
Picture by bedzine.
Need more help sleep training your twins? Check out this step-by-step guide to sleep training twins from fellow parent of twins, Nina Garcia: