How to Handle Guilt of Leaving Mom Home Alone with Twins

Joe Rawlinson by Joe Rawlinson - November 9, 2020

Here is a concern from a dad who’s expecting twins. He says he’s concerned how to deal with the guilt of working outside the home, sometimes at nights, and leaving the twins and a 3-year-old alone with his wife.

Mother with Toddler Twins

This is a challenge. When our twins were born, we had two older boys, but they weren’t much older. They were both under the age of 3. And so we had four kids ages 3 and under.

Leaving the Twins at Home

I felt the same guilt that you’re feeling or are concerned with. Remember that we each have a role to play in the home, the dad and the mom and the kids. And so, don’t feel too guilty because you are fulfilling your role. Your role here is working to provide for your family. Your wife, in this case, is staying at home to take care of the kids.

I work, too, so that my wife can stay home and teach and care for our children. One way to help reduce the guilt is to make sure that you’re not leaving a heavy burden for your wife back at home. You can do this by preparing everything that you can to make sure that your wife has everything she needs in your absence so that she’s not scrambling or extra stressed while you’re away.

Be Home When You Are Home

Remember, when you are home, that you need to be engaged and paying attention to your family and your kids and your wife. You need to be fully plugged in to activities, the chores, the household responsibilities. That means you’re going to need to turn off your computer, or your cell phone, or the video games, or the television, and focus on your wife and your kids when you are home.

This will help your relationship with your wife and your children so that when you are away from them they realize that when you do get home things will be good.

(RELATED: Still expecting twins? Will you be having two boys, two girls, or boy/girl twins? Answer these quick questions to see what several old wives’ tales claim you’ll be having….)

Definitely try to take turns with the kids when you are home and give your wife a break. Perhaps you come home from work and you help take care of the kids in the evening so your wife can get away for an hour or two to help give her a little bit of rest.

I definitely would suggest that you get helpers to help with your wife, because if you’re not there directly to help with her, perhaps someone else can fill in your shoes to assist with your family. This could be friends, family, or a babysitter that can help alleviate the burden and make arrangements for them to help your wife while you’re at work.

This question was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast episode 25: Organizing for Different Size Twins, Guilt Leaving Mom Alone, Twin Baby Monitors.

Picture by Tony Alter

Further Reading

Dad's Guide to Raising Twins book
Don't forget to pick up a copy of the definitive guide to raising twins. "Dad's Guide to Raising Twins" was written for fathers of twins to help guide you through the first several years with twins. Click here to learn more about the book and get your copy.

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