When only one twin is invited to a birthday party

Joe Rawlinson by Joe Rawlinson - December 4, 2017

The time will come when only one of your twins is invited to a birthday party. What do you do when only one twin is invited and the other has to stay home?

When only one twin is invited to a birthday party

Keep in mind, as your twins get older, they will have different interests and friends. This is especially true if they’re in different classes at school or at church. They might also meet different friends at one of their extracurricular activities they may be in. It could be dance class, or gymnastics, or baseball, etc.

Remember that each twin is their own person and will have and needs to have their own unique experiences. When one of them gets invited to a birthday party or not, that is one of the unique experiences that they can experience.

Is it a problem?

I don’t view getting one invitation for one twin and not the other as a problem. Regardless of if you have boy/girl twins or same gender twins, your twins will only see it as a problem if you make a big issue out of it. Lead by example by setting the tone for this situation. Talk to your twins. Ask them what they think. Are they even concerned that one was invited and the other was not? If they’re not, great. If they are, it’s an opportunity for you to talk with them about this situation.

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Birthday Child’s Wishes

Keep in mind that you cannot force the birthday child to invite the other twin. That, of course, is not fair to the one having and hosting the party. Make the most of this situation. It is a teaching moment for your twins. This is one of those life lessons, that they’re not always going to be able to do everything the same, or everything’s not going to always be equal. Teach them that this is the reality of life and that that’s okay.

Take Advantage of the Opportunity

When one of the twins goes off to the birthday party, take advantage of that time and that situation to spend one-on-one time with the other twin. Very often we don’t have enough time for one-on-one interactions with each of our twins. And so when one of your twins is invited to a birthday party and the other is not, silently you can celebrate the fact that you’re going to get a little bit of one-on-one time with your child. Enjoy that!

(RELATED: Check out the Dad's Guide to Twins Youtube channel for additional helpful twin tips and tricks videos.)

This topic was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 79: Your Twins in Public, Terrified of Having Twins, Birthday Invites.

Further Reading

Dad's Guide to Raising Twins book
Don't forget to pick up a copy of the definitive guide to raising twins. "Dad's Guide to Raising Twins" was written for fathers of twins to help guide you through the first several years with twins. Click here to learn more about the book and get your copy.

2 thoughts on “When only one twin is invited to a birthday party”

  1. I have twin daughters who will be turning 24. This is the first year where one twin’s boyfriend invited both twins friends to his girlfriends surprise Birthday Party. The other twin who knows everyone that attended the party, was hurt she wasn’t invited. What would you do in this situation?


    • @Penny – at 24, I hope she can cope with and adjust to this situation. Sure, it is hard but each twin must remember that they are unique individuals and others won’t always group them together.


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