Having Twins During a Pandemic with Chris Gilbertson – Podcast 229

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Episode 229 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Chris Gilbertson, father of fraternal twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

• Finding out they were having twins in the middle of a pandemic
• Dad wasn’t able to go to many doctor visits due to restrictions
• When Twin B had a single umbilical cord artery and thus had restricted growth
• Wife was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at week 28
• Diet change for Mom (get protein while monitoring blood sugar)
• Weekly checkups for infant growth and watching blood flow to the twins
• Talking to the boss about flexibility at work
• High blood pressure surprise for Mom at week 34
• When Twin B’s heart rate dropped during delivery led to an emergency c-section
• Twins had to spend 10 days in NICU
• Elevated blood pressure for Mom after the twins’ birth
• Involving the extended family when they can’t visit the hospital
• Make sure the dog was responding well to the twins coming home
• The daily routine for 10-week old twins

Connect with Chris Gilbertson via email here.

Transcript

The transcript is auto-generated so please forgive typos and the occasional nonsensical sentences.

Joe
Today we are continuing on the father of twins interview series with a fellow twin dad. Before we jump into that story I will let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for fathers of twins, it’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins“. It will walk you through those first couple years of twins, get you ready for the journey of raising twins.

Let’s jump right into the story with our fellow, father of twins. Today like to welcome to the show fellow father of twins, Chris Gilbertson. Welcome to the show, Chris.

Chris
Well, thanks for having me, Joe.

Joe
So Chris, tell us a little bit about how old your twins are now. And what’s the most exciting thing about this age?

Chris
my twins are on the younger side at this point they’re actually 10 weeks today. And honestly, the most exciting thing is just, I mean every day it’s almost a little different as being a little more alert. A little more smiles here and there and slowly working on those little milestones when it’s early like being able to roll over, you know, maintain the holding the heads up and, and a little more just overall alert.

Joe
Are your twins identical or fraternal?

Chris
They are fraternal.

Joe
So let’s rewind the clock to when you found out that you were having twins. What was the experience like for you?

Chris
So we had to go the IUI route. So, mentally, you always like had in the back of your mind like yeah like the odds are a little bit better for twins, but you still thought like that’s not gonna happen to me so we were fortunately found out that we may need we want the IUI road so it was still, I mean it was still a shock regardless and kind of instantly had that like sweaty sweaty feeling overall. Overall, you know but kinda my wife can’t be down there in the moment so it was exciting to hear that it’s a really, it was gonna be twins.

Joe
So, this is 2020 the year of the pandemic. So, tell me a little bit about some of the concerns you had about bringing children into this crazy pandemic.

Chris
Yeah, and it was a little intense cuz I mean, we basically. So, if you do the math back in your head, we found out in like the first week in March, that my wife was pregnant. And it was in March and all of a sudden it was like, Okay, we got this COVID-19. And now my wife’s well at that time I thought only one but then obviously a few weeks later turned into okay now she has two children and we’re trying to stay healthy so it’s. It was definitely an intense eye-opening experience. Fortunately, we live in a smaller part of Wisconsin so it’s not like you know like those first few weeks seen what had gone on in New York like all there was, there was a lot of fear there.

Joe
Did your doctor or your doctor visits get impacted due to COVID?

Chris
Yeah, initially, like everything kind of got shut down and the first like, like I was able to go to like the first early appointment and that you know everything kind of stopped and only the patients up here could go so there. Fortunately, it wasn’t any like the big milestone like we, you know, no, I didn’t miss any of that, you know, so yeah the restrictions were definitely tight for quite some time.

Joe
What did the doctor tell you about what your experience would be like, with extra precautions in hospital?

Chris
Probably the best advice that I got, oddly enough was, to try not to watch the news too much. And, take a deep breath, and it’s gonna be okay we’re gonna figure this out and keep you guys healthy.

Joe
so yeah that’s great. How did the pregnancy go?

Chris
They’re fortunate enough to find out really early that we’re having twins. Week 20 rolled around, and that’s when some of that complication started showing her self so twin B at the time, we learned then that he had a single umbilical cord artery. So, there was a little worrisome of him getting all the nutrition, he was going to need throughout the whole pregnancy so that kind of started the snowball effect.

Joe
So how did you address that situation?

Chris
which when we saw it immediately jumped in. A few days later they wanted to do a heart echo just to make sure the development to that point was, where it should be. In everything looked good, so it was pretty calm until week 28, when you kind of have that next follow up so then what happened in between there was kind of a double whammy so my wife was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. So it definitely kind of got intense at that point and, you know, obviously with gestational diabetes. There was a diet change there so it’s okay well how, how does my wife, you know, pack on the protein and do all these things but also she’s monitoring her blood sugar and trying to keep that all in check.

Joe
Was she able to manage those emergencies or she’s did she have to go back to the hospital for that?

Chris
She just kind of got that take-home test she had to monitor blood sugar a couple of times a day and pretty fast we were able to keep it in check. So, from that side of things that worked out pretty good you know at the moment, it seems. It seemed very intense like oh man, what are we going to do now, but we got it covered.

Joe
what were some of the more challenging aspects of the diet change?

Chris
It wasn’t too bad. I guess from my standpoint but obviously, there was kind of an overwhelming like okay like twin is, you know, not kidding the point the nutrition so it turned in to for a couple weeks, they’re like, my wife, trying to pack in so much protein. Just making yourself feel way over full and then we realized okay that’s just not feasible and let’s hope for the best you know and I mean obviously she ate a lot smarter but didn’t take it as far as those first few weeks of mass panic.

Joe
So how did you monitor progress after the restricted growth was identified?

Chris
From week 28, until their date of birth, we had to go every week to monitor the girls and they check, just kind of kept up watching the heart and making sure like a lot of the talk was constantly watching, making sure that blood flow was coming in, in the baby was getting all the nutrients and it wasn’t like starting to backflow like to where the heart wasn’t able to keep up.

Joe
you were able to go to those checkups?

Chris
So by that point, we started week 28 put us in early August, so kind of mid to late summer the restrictions really lifted as, you know, COVID-19 settled down a little bit at least up here in Wisconsin. So we were able to, I was able to go a weekly and that goes back to where I work, them, giving me that time of day off you know to be there with my wife.

Joe
it was huge to have the flexibility to take her to the doctor. How did you approach your boss to get time off for this?

Chris
I have a very good situation so I work for a small business, which is mostly owned by my brother-in-law. We kind of wrote up a good plan, you know, to be very flexible and I wasn’t ever forced to be like a nine to fiver like I could work six to two or five to one or seven is 3 so it made it easy through a pregnancy to make up that time whenever I was able to.

Joe
For Dads listening, look for options to be flexible with work. Don’t assume that you have to miss these doctor visits and milestones.

Did you have to do any upgrades to the house or cars to get ready for the twins?

Chris
So we were trying to create a family for a long time coming. You know, a few kids have always been a dream of ours so the house and vehicles were mostly fine. So we didn’t have an emergency situation like that. So, we’re fortunate from that aspect of it,

Joe
At what point did you realize “okay the twins are coming?”

Chris
Yeah, so like I said for a good six weeks there we were going every week. By week 34 was when her blood pressure started to climb so there was that fear of preeclampsia. And we walked in 35 for just a general checkup and her blood pressure had skyrocketed. And it turned into okay we’re gonna do induction. On Thursday, so this Tuesday was scheduled. She’s gonna make a turn like it’s gonna be good.

Joe
Spending all this time preparing and getting ready is kind of abstract, it’s always going to be another week away. Then boom.

Chris
Like I said from week 28 on, we went, at least once a week so it was always like before that appointment, you know, my wife and I would look at each other like is today the day. Unfortunately, they made a deal that week 35 so there we were my wife and I were going to her regular checkups, every six weeks.

Joe
That’s similar to us. We went for a regular checkup. I left work, fully expecting to go with my wife and then go back to work. And then during the appointment, the doctor said we’re having contractions actually. So let’s go have these babies.

So, you found out you’re gonna have the induction a couple days after that appointment. So you go in for the induction and what happened?

Chris
Yeah, so that Thursday morning it was like 7am, we got checked in and, you know, when it comes to induction you always assume it’s like, well, this is gonna take a while like we’re going in on Thursday we’re probably gonna have a slow day, you know, they’ll do their thing and then my wife and I will just be waiting around and we’ll probably have, you know, 24 hours later but after a few hours, they hadn’t even started the induction process they just hooked her up to all the monitors and she was having very fast, mild contractions, like that, nothing that would make her like Wednesday or anything. One day we’re, like, two minutes apart. So, there was kind of a little bit of fear there like you know if the contractions are happening so fast, the baby started to lose, oxygen, and that’s where we started running into the issue. After a couple hours one of our twins was starting to have a few issues in his heart rate, started dropping. So they kind of came in and we’re like, Alright, I think it’s go time we don’t want to risk. Twin B. With this heart rate dropping that I mean he probably wouldn’t make it through, you know, a natural birth if that’s the course.

Joe
So what were your expectations with a natural birth vs c-section before the delivery day? Were you surprised?

Chris
We had hoped for a natural birth but we were in the C section possibility mindset, because the natural versus C section, dating back to week eight when we found out that we were having twins like we always knew it’s a possibility to have a C section could happen at some point. We’re kind of realistic, like, probably, you know, a C section could happen at some point.

Joe
Okay, so the twins are born. Emergency c sections can be a little scary and rushed because you’re expecting one thing and change gears, go do something else. How were you able to be involved during the laboring process and as you transitioned to the operating room?

Chris
I mean it was definitely eye-opening and oddly enough from listening, your podcast over the last you know the minute we found out were pregnant with twins. Fortunately, my wife is a school teacher her principal had twins, and her husband, immediately so like, you got to listen to Dad’s Guide to Twins podcasts like that, you know, opened your eyes to a lot. So it’s been helpful but yeah it was, it was very intense like I said we my mindset was, you know, we’re gonna like we’ll be here a few hours but it turned in. At 1030 in doctor on call that day came in and she’s like I think it’s go time like, you know, are you ready to start prepping and it was not much more than 20 minutes later and we, our sons were born.

Joe
When our girls were born, I was seated next to my wife’s head behind a big sheet. So I couldn’t really see what was going on until the doctor told me I could stand up to see during the delivery.

Chris
Yeah. Fortunately, from the emergency standpoint, that they didn’t have to put my wife on there so she, I was able to be in there. You know, like, in your case sat next to her, you know they had a sheet up. They took pictures for us and then the one thing I was overwhelmed by the amount of people in there for you know from the surgeons, the nurses and NICU staff like it was, that was a whole nother eye-opening experience but my wife was calm and on the inside, I think I was, you know, going nuts but she, she kept me on the ground so it is overwhelming.

Joe
I agree there are a lot of people. There’s tons of people taking care of all the people taking care of twins. At least, in our case, the only person who was right by us was the anesthesiologist. Okay, so your boys are born. Any complications at birth or were you able to see them right away?

Chris
Yeah, so they came. Obviously Fast and Furious like that was, that was the case too so emergency c section came in I know more than sat down next to my wife, and it was our, get ready here comes to an A. So, and then I mean it was 30 seconds later, twin B and I don’t know I’m assuming most hospitals are kind of similar when it comes to, you know, the type of room we’re in but so where my wife was and then they would take all the boys and kind of went next door so I was able to follow. The boys were born so fast that I immediately kind of got up right away and walked next door and I got to see them there. There wasn’t anything big just being they were obviously premature. You hear that cry, always say that they’re crying, everything’s okay.

They were in the NICU for 10 days. And we, my wife, was in there for a week. So she obviously the recovery from the emergency c section in that then her blood pressure continued to be on the high side so we kind of got an extended weekend so for those first few days the boys were only a few steps away, but no major issues, Nolan, oddly enough, twin B was on the smaller side, and he was having issues, pre-birth, but after birth. He was the tough one. In it was baby A, Lincoln, who came on in they had to put him on oxygen for the first handful of days so it’s kind of odd how that works,

Joe
Especially since you’re probably assuming the other way around, or thinking the one that had the restricted issues in utero was going to have complications out of the gate but yeah with twins and when they’re born a little premature like this, you never quite know what you’re going to get until they arrive.

Chris
Lincoln was five pounds 15 ounces and Nolan was only four pounds four ounces so there was definitely a gap there so it made it even more surprising that you know that little guy was the tough one. And, you know, you’d think that bigger boy Lincoln, that his way, I mean, there’s a lot of cases where that’s birthweight for some but he evidently wasn’t ready to show his face.

Joe
How did you manage visits to the NICU after you and your wife went home?

Chris
We thankfully that goes back to the schedule I laid out with my work so we came home to sleep, and we would just go spend our day there just helpful feedings and you know that they kept emphasizing that they didn’t think their state was going to be very long so it was kind of every day was a milestone like oh they did this, you know, and we’re getting closer so fortunately we are able to be there every day and, again, was COVID the restrictions. In early fall at that point, weren’t very tough so we were both able to go and spend the day.

Joe
That’s great. You’re able to come and go without any trouble. Did you just stay the whole time with your wife at the hospital or did you come and go, right after birth as well?

Chris
I stayed with her so especially being the boys were, you know, there in the NICU it wasn’t like the boys were ready to come home and mom wasn’t so, so I stayed for sure to make sure things were going the way they are supposed to,

Joe
were you able to have any other visitors at the hospital?

Chris
It was just us so so that you know that I’m the youngest of my siblings, so that was kind of. Definitely a change of pace, cuz they’re all of their children I was you know where we’re a very tight-knit family and we all live really close together so it was like somebody who’s gone into labor we were. We’re all there at the hospital so that was, that was a lot different to not have your, your family there. The hugging and celebrating, you know, in the moment so it is tough.

Joe
Were you able to involve them via like video chat or anything of that nature?

Chris
that first day was just phone calls, but once we were in that was in a little better shape and we were going to see the boys there is a lot of zoom calling and, you know, parent grandparents obviously were the first on the list and then her brother and my sisters so we’re next in line to see him.

Joe
So tell us about the day you brought the twins home

Chris
Yeah, it was definitely another eye opening experience like we kind of got used to NICU life where, if an alarm went off or the boys needed something. There was always in nurse, you know in there. After a few seconds if you know they had an alarm going off or it was time to eat and that we brought him home early in the morning so it was kind of we had the whole day, you know, kind of get used to the rhythm with two twins in the house and we have a dog so that was a whole nother thing to go through and making sure the dog was alright and responding a lot of the kids and it went fairly good, then as the nighttime came and you realize how that lack of sleep starts really fast,

Joe
Was your wife breastfeeding the boys or were you bottle feeding?

Chris
Bottle feedings so there’s kind of, I don’t know if it was a case from the C section that just her milk never really came in successfully, and we kind of had that realization of, you know, she was never going to sleep. At least that first month with having to feed two boys so we kind of had a mixture of formula and breast milk and slowly kind of weaned them off the breast milk after a couple of weeks so

Joe
yeah, we had something very similar. For me, my wife had breastfed our two singleton boys. So we’re fully expecting for her to be able to breastfeed with twins and it was just overwhelming, trying to get that to work, I know breastfeeding works for a lot of twin moms. So, but sometimes it just doesn’t work and you have to be flexible and adapt and change to do what’s best for everybody.

Chris
Yeah, that was it. We were just, you know, she was trying and it wasn’t working out too well and like the frustration started setting in and, you know, like I said, we looked at each other in real. I kind of went off her I’m like, you know, whatever, whatever you think like I’m, you know, I’ll support you regardless and then we just decided that, you know, in a stressful situation is it was becoming that you know formula feeding was just going to be the way to go and obviously the adapters and everything were like you know you tried and he, you got to do what’s best for you. So,

Joe
when you’re expecting you have big plans of how everything’s going to work from pregnancy to delivery after they’re born, and then stuff comes up and you just gotta roll with it because it’s, it’s not always going to work out the way you planned, but as long as you’re focusing on what’s best for mom and family and the twins, keeping everybody healthy and going as someone really matters. You mentioned getting your dog ready for the twins. What did you do to get ready, or to introduce the new extended family?

Chris
One benefit I guess of the NICU was the boys were there for a little while so we started out with taking like blankets from home and, you know, we would swaddle the boys with them during the day and brought them home for her to sniff and she’s a large dog. For sure she’s a mixture of German shepherd and lab so she’s a she’s a solid 85 pounds so it was like well you know we’ve we need to make sure she’s kinda at least knows to a point what’s coming so on.

It fortunately worked out there was no like major hiccups. So she was used, like I said I have lots of. I have one niece in several nephews, so she’s used to kids running around and hanging honor so there wasn’t much fear but you know in the back of your mind having a big dog like that it’s like well, man, I hope, I hope everything’s gonna be okay.

Joe
Did she react when the twins were up in the middle of night screaming or yelling or anything?

Chris
I mean she’s getting a little older. In the NICU, the boys were in two different rooms. So we immediately just put them in their own separate cribs in didn’t start out with them in the room with us in any kind of bassinet so you know she’s got that protective sense in there and kind of the boys would squawk and a little too much, occasionally she’ll nudge open the door and pace back and forth until mom and dad realize it’s time to get up and feed them so

Joe
Was it just you and your wife taking care of the twins these first couple months or were you able to have grandmas or anybody help?

Chris
Yeah, that I mean it’s, for the most part it’s been all us like that’s that’s been one of the challenges of, you know, being pregnant, and now having our boys, you know infant boys during a pandemic it’s hard. You can’t, you can’t just call and be like, Oh, you know, I need a babysitter for the night like so, you and I can go out like there’s, there’s no opportunity for that so fortunately it’s. We’re trying to be smart about who comes over but grandma and grandparents you know have both been able, we’re very trusting with them, make sure they’re making the right decisions, you know on the outside life. Come here and help a little bit with the boys so it’s good.

Joe
It’s so hard just to juggle newborn twins, and then let alone, want to involve your family and having to think through all those logistics on top of that is, is a little overwhelming.

Chris
I mean, it hasn’t been too bad but especially like I said today actually it’s 10 weeks for the boys so it’s like, Man, you know I feel like we’re at that point, it’d be really nice to just go on a date and have someone on one time for a couple hours but with COVID, you know there’s, especially now like things have gotten worse sadly up here so there’s not really much to do and we’re starting to get into the Midwestern winters so let’s you know there’s not even that luxury of going for a walk, you know, or putting the boys in a stroller and taking them because we’re already at that, you know, 20 to 30 degree days so just waiting on the first snowfall. Okay, so

Joe
we talked about how your boys have hit the 10 week mark. So what’s, what’s their sleep schedule or eating schedule like?

Chris
Nighttime there we’ve been from hearing … I don’t know if you want to say a horror stories from, you know, we know a few people, a few friends, friends that have had twins and, you know, everybody’s preached you got to get them on the same schedule and NICU kind of helped with that the boys were, they were making sure they were eating, you know, at the same time and so it was on us just continue that pattern and we’ll put them down. You know, probably around eight o’clock on average and night and they’ll give us a good four and a half to five and a half, you know if we’re really lucky hours at this point. So, and then after that it’s back to that three hours so in during the day it’s, you know, two and a half, three hours, though, they’re ready to, they’re ready to eat.

Joe
Sinc you’re using formula, are you able to assist with those feeds?

Chris
Yep, before you know the last few weeks when we knew it was getting close to the boys come in we kind of made an agreement like we’re in this. We’re in this is together as we can be in, especially those nighttime feedings like there’s no, you get up and you do it and I’ll do the next one, it’s let’s both get up and kind of our system and try our best. You know switch off and not, you know nobody’s doing the same thing are feeding the same baby so trying to make sure we switch off and see both boys you know at any given night so yeah that’s a great routine,

Joe
I know that’s one thing that I, looking back enjoyed, I was able to participate in feeding my girls, because they were bottle-feeding, and that’s something I didn’t really have experience with my singleton boys because my wife would wake up and breastfeed them in the night. So it’s a great opportunity to bond with each of my girls. During feeding time. Of course, often, you’re kind of just like asleep, sleepy zombie but still you do get that one on one time, which is just huge, to be able to notice their unique personalities even starting to shine through with an early age. It’s pretty fun.

Chris
Yeah, there’s something about that, you know, late night. At first, definitely was in that zombie phase and you know you’re like anything else you do your body kind of adjusts and get used to that you know are every four hours and getting up to feed them and makes it a little more enjoyable, you know my wife or I to do it you know being able to do it as a team goes a long way for sure.

Joe
What have been some of the twin gear or things around the house that’s been very helpful taking care of the boys?

Chris
the swings are definitely beneficial. At first you know that first month it felt like they’re always kind of fussy if you weren’t hanging on to them but as they’ve grown a little bigger and stronger like having it having a good swing. You know, it goes a long way. As they get more alert and tough stuff to look at or whether you’re, you know they’re too fussy and you’re having issues racking them to sleep on your own. Something that vibrates or swings back and forth goes a long way.

Joe
It was so true. Do you have one for each of them or just one for the house?

Chris
Oh, we have one swing, and one that kind of vibrates and has lights.

Joe
What baby monitor setup do you have for the twins’ nursery?

Chris
We have a camera that we can, we have both of our boys in the nursery on the same wall and a camera in between that we can pan back and forth. You know if one’s fussier than the other just to kind of get an idea of what’s going on and we haven’t used it, the ability so I could you can like talk through it too but at their age like it’s just mostly, you’ll look at them and it’s, you can kind of get that vibe pretty fast this, you know, one’s way too fussy and it’s time to get out, or like good, you know, he’s just moving around. So, in our bedroom in the nursery is relatively close to you, you know we have, we’re fortunate enough where we can kind of hear it too. Like, if it’s you know something’s going down or they’re just, you know, moving around.

Joe
I know we benefited from that as well. Our girls’ nursery was right next door to our master bedroom, which is kind of a blessing and a curse because you hear every noise they make and, but eventually you figure out which ones you need to get up for and which ones you can roll over and go back to sleep.

Chris
Yeah, those that first night like you know we were obviously their first two kids so there was a lot of like okay, the doors got to be wide open and, you know, you got to listen for every, Every, you know, noise they make or squeal I hope somebody moved like it’s time to get up and, obviously, we’re young when it comes to the twin parenting world and now it’s like, oh, no, I know that sound like we, we got a half hour before we need to get up so

Joe
that’s right yeah the beginning like every noise you’re up and running and to see what’s the matter, and eventually, you start to recognize the little clues and cause and poses and you know what they’re actually trying to tell you which is awesome.

You’ve been on quite the journey here through pregnancy and some rocky spots, getting the boys here. Now you’re in the trenches of very young twin ways how have you been able to maintain and strengthen your relationship with your wife?

Chris
During this twin journey so far that private biggest thing is trying not to let those little things, where I knew, you know, just from keeping the workload, as fair as possible and, you know, not me not always warming up the bottles or her, you know, and her always changing the diapers, it’s like, you got to be super flexible with that and not get into that, you know a lot of you know one person is doing this and one is doing that, like, the flexible and, you know, try it out. Don’t let those little things get to you and you know those that first week you know I’m overtired and we don’t have those moments where you. You know something so silly you know would want to trigger you but you just gotta learn that, just let it go and in the moment you know every day is every day, it gets a little easier so just being open and flexible is the big thing I guess,

Joe
absolutely that’s solid advice. You’re under so much pressure mentally and physically. You’re sleep-deprived too. You just have to let stuff go and make sure that you’re communicating with your partner regularly, about what’s working, what’s not. Well, Chris as we wrap up today. If listeners want to get ahold of you what’s the best way to reach out?

Chris
probably the easiest is just via email so it’s Gilbertson 4g at gmail.com

Joe
Chris, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us today. We really appreciate it.

Chris
Yeah, thanks for having me like I said over the journey we’ve had heard your podcast, and hearing other stories from twin dads has been very beneficial and then obviously your little notes and nuggets along the way, have been so helpful.

Joe
Hope you enjoy that chat with fellow twin dad Chris Gilbertson, his journey of having twins during this crazy pandemic here. As always you can check out the show notes for this episode over at twindadpodcast.com.

If you, like Chris, would like to share your twin journey on the podcast I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on instagram or twitter at @twindadjoe, or you can drop me an email, [email protected] and I’d love to hear about your story.

Today’s show is brought to you by my book, “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins” You can learn more about this book here. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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