Episode 243 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Jamie Tuttle, father of four-year-old identical boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:
- Choosing to be a stay at home dad to the twins
- Encouraging imagination and creativity in the boys
- Having twins after being married for years
- During the pregnancy, Mom couldn’t keep any food down, lost weight
- Planning for a c-section
- Finding success in breastfeeding and bottle-feeding
- Potty Training by three
- Traveling with young children
- Life-changing product for feeding babies
- Keeping tempers in check
- Finding books that help boys with emotions
- Getting back in the swing of date nights
- and more…
This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.
Encouraging imagination and creativity in your twins and more lessons from a stay at home father of twin boys today on the show.
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the “Dad’s Guide to Twins,” Joe Rawlinson.
Hey everybody. Welcome to the 243 episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. Where you’ll find the complete show notes transcript for this episode, and all previous podcast episodes. Today we are continuing our father twins interview series with a fellow father of twins from the Pacific Northwest here in the US. But before we jump into that discussion, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com where you’ll find dozens of T shirts designed specifically for us. Families of twins, we’ve got shirts for dads of twins, moms are twins, the twins themselves, even some shirts for grandma, and grandpa. You can see all those shirts over at twintshirtcompany.com. Today, I would like to welcome to the show father of twins. Jamie Tuttle. Welcome to the show, Jamie.
Thanks for having me.
Jamie, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?
Oh, they’re four and a few months. Right now just what they’re doing with their imagination, you know, coming up with crazy stories and creating their own games and sports and just the way that they just that and being the sponge that they are and just picking everything up and just playing and actually figuring stuff out even before I get a chance to teach them even at times.
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That’s fun. Do you have boys girls, one of each?
Are they identical?
Mono-Di. That’s what we had. We had model day girls. So you mentioned creativity and imagination? Is there something that you’re doing to help encourage that or structure that?
I’m an artist, so I’ve got an art studio. And so we do a lot of painting and stuff like that. But um, we I tend to foster it by kind of letting kind of starting a story kind of giving them kind of a jumpstart into something and then just letting them run with it. Basically letting them know that whatever they come up with, there’s there’s really no wrong answer. When it comes to them just creating things.
Have they shown different tendencies artistically or creatively?
Yes, kind of off and on, you know, the, they’ll definitely one will pick up a paintbrush and like, without me teaching him he’s actually holding a paintbrush appropriately by correct the way, you know, very painterly anyways. And he’ll paint and actually put together like a scene, you know, whether it be you know, hills and the sun and everything else, he he can put it all together, or the other one will grab a pencil or marker, you know something on that line, and then start scribbling, but end up with something that nobody saw coming until he’s done.
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That’s exciting that you’re able to give them some opportunities to explore those talents. Let’s rewind the clock back to when you found out that you were having twins. What was your family situation like at that time?
My wife and I had been married for 20 years. We had both turned 40. And we my wife kind of said, Yeah, I think I’m ready. I think we should we should do this. And I was like, Alright, cool. And we tried and we it didn’t take many tries necessarily. And boom, she got pregnant. And you know, I guess that’s kind of kind of history at that point. So it was a surprise and not a surprise at the same time. We joked about having twins before the first ultrasound. I mean, we like yet watch. It’s gonna be twins. Sure enough. It was and there was a lot of laughter. Right? As soon as we found out.
That’s great. I mean, the older the mother, the more likely you are to have twins, but that’s fraternal twins, not identical. And so you ended up having identical, which is just luck of the draw, which congratulations. What do you recall about the pregnancy? Were there any challenges with that?
Oh, yeah. Jill couldn’t eat anything. She couldn’t keep anything down. She ended up losing weight. All the weight that she did gain was just the boys. So she kind of stayed Pat. When the boys were born, she ended up like, I think she ended up dropping down to almost High School weight, which was crazy. And she was extremely happy about that. But I mean, as far as the health of the boys, they were great all the way through. Like they grew, right. They everything. All the milestones they hit it, like, whatever she was doing whatever she could do was everything right? Because the boys never had we never had any issues. Like she didn’t really go through any major. I mean, it was heartburn, you know, the usual sort of pregnancy things that you hear about, she kind of dealt with other than she just couldn’t keep any food down until, I want to, say, a month and a half before they were born. And then she could she all sudden got her first craving.
So I know one of the concerns there as his mom can eat, how do we make sure that babies are getting enough nutrition for them to grow? How did you manage that balance between mom not being able to eat and making sure babies are so Okay.
Um, she was actually the one thing she could keep down was like, mostly liquids and stuff like that. So she was doing a lot of protein shakes. And like all kinds of different ones, a lot of vegetable based ones. And then she’d switch over and do some other ones. That way. I was making a ton of smoothies, like just as creative as I possibly could be, to make smoothies for and everything else. But it was mostly protein shakes was what kind of got her through and she’d eat, but she’d eat just to the point where she’s like, yeah, this ain’t gonna work. And, you know, then she’d be able to keep it down. If she ate just a little bit and just held off, then she’d be alright, but it was it, you know, protein shake after protein shake after protein shake?
How was the birth experience? Similar to maybe what you’d heard about? Or based on your expectations? How did it turn out in reality,
as far as my expectations, your book actually was the one thing that I had, as you know, and what the doctors were saying, and everything else, as far as the C section went, the way that you put it so that it was your wife’s point of view and your point of view, it set me and my wife at ease, being able to see it from both sides, gave us a little bit more of an understanding. And our doctors were amazing. Like they gave us all kinds of heads up about a lot of things. They were very upfront very truthful about absolutely everything. And the hospital we were at actually had twins class kind of thing that we went to, beforehand that like gave us a ton of information and like, almost over prepared us. It as far as expectations. I think it for both Jill and I we felt as if it went almost easier than expected.
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Well, that’s great. So the plan was all along to have a C section?
It’s kind of the way my wife wanted to go. But after talking with the doctor, and the doctor said it could be kind of high risk because of your age, we could run into some problems. So why don’t we schedule your C section date in shoot for this date? And that was the date?
They didn’t come early?
Yeah, no, we made it to 36 and six,
are the babies healthy at birth or any complications there?
They were like, right at birth, everything seemed to be good. We got them back to the room. And then Titan ended up not being able to hold tamp. So he dropped tamp, and they had to bring in the giraffe and like, strip him down naked and just let him sit under the heat, you know for a while and he ended up equaling out. And then talus ended up with like low blood sugar for a while and ended up spending. I was close to 36 hours in the nick queue. And I know it’s not very much but it felt like it was a year.
So did everybody go home together? Or did you have to leave on an account,
we were lucky enough that the hospital had an open room for us in the family section. And we got to hang out there until Talos was ready to go home. So we actually were able to all leave at the same time.
So the first year of twins can be kind of a blur kind of haze. And when you got the twins home, what what kind of surprised you most about having to at the same time.
The big surprise was that honestly looking back at it would say that I was surprised how prepared we we were and how it made things smoother than expected. I guess. Like the boys were actually pretty easy. They didn’t probably the craziest surprise was the fact that Yeah, they did eat every two hours forever. It just didn’t seem like that would ever end but they were you know they didn’t sleep very much So the lack of sleep was kind of a surprise. But other than that, it, you know, we tried to keep them on schedule. And as long as we kept them on schedule it, it felt as if it went fairly smooth. Looking back at it, I mean, at the time, it was insane. It was just, you know, run, run, run doo doo doo go back forth, you know, didn’t know which end was up at times, hearing from other twin parents, it’s like, oh, maybe we had it pretty easy.
If your twins are on a predictable schedule, and that makes a big difference, because you can work around that plan around that. Even if, even if it is just two hours at a time, you know what to expect at least?
Yeah, and that, that was the biggest key, I guess. And I heard that from other twin parents, I heard it in your book talked about trying to get him on a schedule, when we did everything we could keep them on that schedule. And the idea of, you know, don’t wake a sleeping baby is kind of bunk when you have twins, you know, and, you know, when one wakes up because he’s hungry, you wake the other one up otherwise. And we didn’t really get that right away. I want to say it took us a week and a half to finally go, this is dumb. We’re not getting any sleep. Because the minute every you know, everybody we thought was asleep, the other one would wake up. So we’re like, Okay, now we’re not doing this again. You wake up, you’re waking up, and we’re feeding you and you’re both going back down. So at least we can get an hour and a half to two hours.
And that worked for us as well. Sometimes it takes a little while for you to realize that it’s it’s very difficult to just feed them one after the other because there’s never a break for you. And that’s not enough. None of sleep were your boys are breastfeeding or bottle feeding.
Yes. They so Jill didn’t produce right away for a little bit. It took her a little bit to catch up. But we were definitely supplementing. So we would have, you know, she would breastfeed and then we’d supplement with formula or if we had some that she had pumps or whatever, because she went back to work. After three, three months. I’m gonna say three, four months she went back to work was definitely a Okay, well, he didn’t seem to eat very good. So here’s a bottle. Like we always had backup just in case.
You mentioned that she went back back to work after about three months. What was your work time off situation like?
I’m still not. I’m a stay at home dad.
That’s fantastic. Was that the plan before they were even born?
Yes, yes, it was. I was a general contractor before so owning my own business. It’s like, Okay, I’m going to just hold on to all my tools and wait until they go back to go to school. And then, you know, I can either pick that back up or not. We’ll see what happens when when that time comes.
Well, that’s wonderful. So you’ve been you’ve been within the last four years?
Yep. Yeah, from day one, it’s, it’s been a heck of a ride.
So I guess you look ahead, like another year or a year and a half, and they’ll be going off to school. How do you feel about that, that transition on the horizon?
Excited. I’m also a little trepidation. I mean, it’s it’s still it kind of nerve wracking, especially nowadays with COVID and everything else. But I’m, I’m hoping, you know, when, when they’re ready to go to actual school to kindergarten, that will be clear. And, you know, it’ll just be them going there. They’re excited about it. Because they see their friends going and they want to go so it’s it’s definitely something where I think they’re going to thrive. So that’s going to be a big positive, but I doesn’t take any nerves off of me necessarily. I’m still, you know, it’s letting them go sort of thing, but I think they’re gonna be awesome when it comes to that time.
It’s fun to look at that, especially now that they’re the age where you can have conversations with them and they know what’s coming down the road and the future was cool. It’s fun to see your kids excited about the future.
Yeah, I think they’re more excited about getting on a bus than anything else.
Yes, a little things, little things, right. Let’s talk about some milestones with your boys. You had was potty training experience like with them?
It was it was interesting. Um, cuz we kind of went with letting them kind of set the pace a little bit. We tried to kind of push it a little bit when they turned a little past their second birthday and we started to switch over to training pants and we started to kind of, you know, we had a potty and just about every room I think, you know, and they would get used to it. They they go before bath time. Like no matter what if it was bath time. They would go. Like they knew it was kind of a cool thing to do that and then they take a bath, and then they put a diaper back on. But we got to a certain point, I want to say they were right at two and a half and tightened. took off. He’s like, I’m done. I don’t want these anymore. I’m, I’m potty trained. And he just did. You know, there was still an occasional accident, but it wasn’t very often. And then Taoists kind of reverted for a little bit. And then just before their third birthday, they were 100%. Good to go. Right. They, and it was we gave them a lot of positive reinforcement. Most of the time, what they wanted, what really got them spurred to do it was the craziest thing, cat videos, if they could just sit and watch cats doing silly things. They would go poop whenever, you know, it was like, Okay, it’s time to go. But I want a cat video. Alright, cool. I’d set an iPad up and let them watch cat video until they were done. And that became the thing. So it, it just became the thing for a while. And I want to say yeah, they were three, three and a couple of months and the cat videos kind of waned and went away. And they’ve been pretty solid. I mean, very rarely do we have unless they’re playing and forget sort of thing. But other than that, they’re really good about it right now.
Did you see a difference in the mastering like daytime dryness versus overnight?
overnight was happened before daytime. Like there was there was a point. I want to say before their second birthday, even nighttime diapers were always dry. Like they had just gotten fed up using their diapers at night. But they’d wake up and immediately use it.
That’s interesting. I think we saw the opposite with our kids are, they’re able to master daytime stuff, but they would still need to like a pull up overnight for much longer.
And I kind of heard that from other parents too. And I was like, I don’t know why that was the easy side for us. But it It seemed to be what’s great.
Yeah, go with what works. Yeah, overnight stand dry cat videos, every every situation is unique. So it’s great. Everybody’s shared a bedroom this whole time. Are they in different spaces?
They have shared about a bedroom the entire time there. They’ve got bunk beds now. And they tend to do pretty well.
Did you ever see them waking each other up or keeping each other from sleeping?
No, actually, hardly ever. Mostly because tele sleeps like a rock? When he’s out. He’s out. I don’t I plain confined to his room. And he wouldn’t wake up I don’t think where Titan, little noises and stuff like that tend to wake him up. Like if the cat runs too fast or something like that. It could possibly wake him up. So we’ve got to be extra quiet when we go to our room just to make sure we don’t wake him up. But other than that, no, they they never really kept each other awake. I mean, even when they were infants, one would wake up crying for whatever reason, and the other one would sleep through it.
Yeah, that surprises a lot of people who don’t have twins. Yeah, they think one of them is always going to wake up the other one. And that’s not always the case. They’re kind of used to each other in utero, and somehow that just translates to life in the real world to where they just ignore each other and sleep through each other’s voices, whatever. Now did they go straight from like a crib to bunk beds? Or was there some transition in between there?
There was we had a convertible setup so we had two cribs that you know the side came off of it. And their big boy beds were kind of there the transition in between and then we went to bunk beds on their third birthday.
That’s cool. How did they decide who got which bunk?
It’s a different decision every day. And they’re they they either talk about it or they’re it’s back and forth. They just split ones on top and then the other ones on the bottom and then it’s just back and forth every
night. Well, that’s fun. That’s fun. Our kids will want to switch that every night because they think it although all their stuff on their pen they don’t want to share that stuff but they’ve like switch every week or every month or stuff like that. Or will rotate once a year he could switch beds around. So pre COVID were you able to travel at all with the with the boys with the family?
Yeah, I we traveled almost immediately. Because we had them in November and in January, we took a train from I’m here to Minneapolis. And that was, that was a very relaxing trip. And then we’ve been on the plane, most of our family, like my parents, specifically and our grandparents are all in Iowa. We grew up in Iowa, we moved out here in late 90s. But so we’ve flown back I want to say three times that we took a train the train the first time.
So everybody’s always been good travelers then since the beginning.
Yeah, I gotta say, we’re, we’ve been very lucky when it comes to that, like they the first time on the train, I mean, they were just months old. So they slept most of the time. And the train just loved them to sleep. And they were awesome. The whole trip, and then the plane ride. We tried to figure out where their nap time would land. And we tried to figure out, Okay, if we get on the plane now, then they’ll nap for maybe the four hour trip the three hour trip before lucky don’t that most of that. And for the first two flights that happened, the last. The last time we went back, I want to say they napped for maybe a half an hour. But beyond that. They we had on that flight specifically, we had a stewardess that had twins, and she was a twin. So she was like, Can I hold them? Can I walk around with them? If you need anything? Let us know. So we we got pretty lucky on that flight.
That’s cool. We did similar where we try to figure out what time of day would be the best to fly with the kids. And then just hope for the best. We we did travel when our kids were younger, especially if you can get him on the plane when they’re under to be for free and most most airlines. So in retrospect, I kind of wish we traveled some more. What’s the most common question that people ask you about your twins?
Um, well, the obvious, you know, how do you tell them apart? That’s probably the biggest one. But you know, the do they run in your family? They do now sort of thing. You know, a lot of the, the normal sort of questions. I get the occasional, like actual you know, so how was the first few months? You know, they did the actual parenting questions from, you know, Singleton parents will go, Okay, how did this work? For you? You know, I’ve seen you with your boys and you’ve got this handled. But how did you do this? You know, in the end, then it’s, well, how did you do it? It was it’s no, I guess it and then it? Could they? A lot of times the singleton parents realize really quick Oh, you have no other notion of what it’s like, you know, you don’t know any different than me? Because I don’t, that’s all I had. So that’s what I worked with.
That’s right. You just make it work. Because it’s a situation in front of you. You just figure it out. You mentioned the other questions you get a lot is how do you tell them apart? Have they always been unique in your eyes? Or was there some trick you had to use your early on to tell them apart?
early on there. I kind of brought them both in to our bedroom. I want to say they were two or three weeks old that maybe closer to a month, but I laid them both on the bed completely naked and I knew who was who. And I had my wife come in and go. Alright, tell me. And Joe came in looked at him both and went, um talus like, Nope, that’s Titan. Oh, come on. And then she looked closer and their head shape is just a little bit different. One is a little bit more per Titan has kind of a perfectly overhead where talus is more of a V shape from starting at the his chin going up. And then they’re once they got all their hair in and stuff like that you can if you’re looking at him from behind. tightens colic is right in the dead center of his head and calluses is off to the left. Little things like that. Also, talus has one year that’s a little pointed, kind of looks like Spock’s here just a little bit. So that was a way that we could tell just a little bit. But we did paint telesis pinky purple for the first month.
That’s great. Yeah, we always had our girls in different colors of clothing, just as an emergency backup and but over time, just like you, we’ve noticed You know, a collection of little differences between them that altogether you could tell start to tell at a glance who was who. But they still, from across the room still, for me, if I’m not focused fully on who I’m talking to, oh, yeah.
I’ll say a name and that child will be in another room, and I’ll get to turn around and go. That’s not me, dad. Sorry, my bad.
So when you look at the baby gear, and equipment that you got, when you were expecting What’s something that you ended up using a lot, that’s kind of like a lifesaver.
The baby briza was the lifesaver, because we were supplementing or I was, you know, making enough formula off and on that that thing, mean to have a push a button and boom, have bottles done with twins, that was such a huge help, especially at the point where my wife went back to work and was actually traveling. So I was here for, you know, two weeks at a time without any help, necessarily at the time. So it was like, You hungry, cool. In a button, I got a bottle, I got another one. And you know, just making sure that was full. That was probably the biggest lifesaver. As far as things that were kind of not necessary, like probably a wipe warmer. I that ended up getting gifted pretty quick, because when we couldn’t find a good place to put it, but it was also just cash, I got to reload this thing all the time. And it was just a pain to have there. So that was probably the one worthless thing that we just never really got any use out of it.
I wish we had. I wish we had some quick way to make formula because we were doing that by hand. I agree with you on the baby warmer. That’s something were you think about before Yeah, that the babies are like, yeah, cold. Hold, wipe on baby balm. But then you realize you change, you’re changing diapers in all different places, at home, away from home, in the car on the floor away from the nursery, there’s no way you’re gonna run back to get the baby wipes warmed up for that to happen.
No, in fact, it was funny, because if we were out, and it was winter, and you know, the wipes were in the car or something like that. wiping the boys butts with a really cold wipe was more fun for them, I think because they would just crack up and laugh when it was extra cold. So they actually liked it when it was cold. So, you know, made things easier even.
So when you look at parenting right now what’s working for you right now with parenting your boys.
Learning how to stay cool, learning how to keep keep tempter tempers, and an even keel because you know, running through testosterone a little bit starting to see a lot of head butting in, you know, not physically necessarily, but you know that I had that toy. But here’s one that’s just like it, but I don’t care, I want that one and end up hitting. The other thing that seems to work specifically on that side of things is they love books. So we’ve found a bunch of different series of books that have kind of helped them with their dealing with their emotions. The one set of books that they really tended to gravitate towards was the spot books. I don’t remember the specific author off the top of my head, but they’re on Amazon, there’s a bunch of them. And it talks about your spot to happiness, your spot of anger, your spot of anxiety, lots of different emotions, and it actually goes into how to make an angry spot into a peaceful spot, you know, and how to kind of meditate a little bit and bring for kids their age, it’s it’s a difficult thing to to kind of get across without I don’t want to say dumb it down because it’s not even fair to them to say dumb it down, but it’s definitely more on their level. And that’s helped such a big, big way because I’ve been able to just, you know, somebody is that angry to the point where they’re, you know, kicking, screaming, just losing it. If I can grab one of those books and sit and even as they’re screaming start to read it, they will kind of slowly come around and then sit on my lap and then finish reading the book. So that’s been a huge help.
So it looks like these little spot books. by Diane Alber Does that sound right?
Yes, that sounds right.
Well, that’s great. So you’ve read these books with the boys before the angry moment. So yes, so they know those concepts. And then in the moment you pull it out again, as a reminder, and helps bring them back to the more peaceful state. That’s pretty cool. And we’ve had to try to do that with our with our kids, too. If you try to, if you try in the moment, the heated emotion moment, if you’re trying to teach something or correct something, it’s really difficult if there’s nothing to anchor back to something they can’t remember from before. So I love that you found a series of books that’s been good for your boys with that regard.
Yeah, I guess we’ve been lucky that they’ve been so into books. So it gave us kind of a thing to look at to try to figure out if that would work. And luckily, for them, books are more exciting than a lot of things.
So let’s talk about your relationship with your partner, you were married for a long time before the twins came along. So how have you been able to keep your relationship strong? here for the last four years with the boys,
it was difficult for a little while, because self care I’m not very good at, I’ll just be completely honest, I’m not very good at it. And it kind of put my I put myself kind of on an island. And that made some things just just being honest, pretty Rocky, for a little bit. I mean, we, we still talked that the nice part is we both have a lot of respect for each other. So there was a point where my wife had to actually sit me down and tell me that I wasn’t doing things the way that she pictured me doing them. And I was getting angry a lot and stuff. And now I had to kind of take a step back and look at things kind of, I guess, step out of my own box, and kind of look at things from the big picture and realize that, you know, she was right, and it took a little bit to get through that. But once we had that big talk that one night, she goes, you need to do your thing. But we also need to have date nights, we need to get back to doing that. And really, I was totally on board. And luckily, we had some great neighbors, some great friends that were willing to watch the boys for just a couple hours. And just let us kind of reconnect. And we would even just simply go for a walk, you know, not even go very far just go and kind of do some of the little things that we used to do all the time before the boys and it kind of brought us back to a really good place. And I want to say the last three years, we’re able to look at each other now and you know, we can laughter comes around a lot, you know, we we will make a bad situation into a good situation by creating some sort of comedy out of it, it’s kind of always been my coping mechanism anyways. So it’s, it’s kind of been our thing. And just, I guess, taking that time, even at night after they’re asleep. And even if we’re dragging, tired and just don’t really have a lot left, we’ll take that time just go down. After they’re asleep, sit on the couch and just talk go through even entire week. And vent a little bit and, and realize that we have our you know, our own kind of view of things and being able to actually vent to each other. And in a in a good place. Know that it’s a safe place to just say the things that we want to say. And once we could get it out, then it was it’s on the table. We can deal with it. And then we can move on and just take a deep breath and be good again.
Awesome, great perspective. Thank you for sharing what’s been working for you both. Jamie, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to get in touch?
Well, I’m on Facebook, that’s one of the major places on Instagram I’ve got. It’s Jay Tuttle art, which I think is also my Twitter handle. It’s either that or honestly even just a straight out email would be totally cool. If anybody wants to contact me It’s beautiful brew [email protected] and it’s b o th e Ll br EWDAD at gmail.
Excellent. And we’ll link up to all those in the show notes for the podcast today. Jeremy, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We really appreciate it.
Thanks for let me share a little bit.
I’ve enjoyed that conversation with Jamie about his adventures as a stay at home father of twin boys if you want to connect with Jamie or check out other conversations with twin dads you can head on over to twin dad podcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Jamie did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can email me Joe at dad’s guide to twins calm or connect with me on social media. I’m on Instagram and Twitter at twin dad Joe. Also on facebook.com slash dads guide to twins. Again today’s show is brought to you by my twin t shirt company where you can find dozens of T shirts designed specifically for us parents with twins, you can browse our collection of dozens of T shirts over at twin t shirt company.com thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.
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