Episode 244 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Tony Rowe, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:
- When the twins came earlier than expected when water broke while dad was 45 minutes away
- Twins went to NICU after about 15 minutes
- Wife had high blood pressure
- Leaving one twin at the hospital when Mom and one baby go home
- Getting bearings with just one child
- Taking turns to go see the daughter in NICU
- Pumping for 7-8 months then formula
- Hiring a nanny through care.com
- Twins starting to walk at about 13 months
- Moving to a new house with infant twins
- and more…
Connect with Tony on Twitter.
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What’s it like when you had to leave one of your twins at the hospital in the NICU? When mom and the other twin come home? We discuss that and much more with a twin dad today.
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins Joe Rawlinson.
(RELATED: Expecting twins? Avoid these 4 critical mistakes expectant twin parents make.)
Hey everybody, and welcome to the 244 episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. We’ll find the complete transcript for this episode, and you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we are continuing our father of twins interview series with a fellow father of twins. But before we jump into that, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Twins, how to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins. You can learn more about this book at twindadbook.com. Once again, that’s twindadbook.com. Now let’s jump straight into the interview. Today, I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Tony Rowe, welcome to the show, Tony.
Thanks for having me, Joe.
Tony, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age,
they are about 19 months. And I guess what’s exciting is Oh, they’re running around repeating stuff and just kind of you know, experienced experiencing stuff for the first time and you get to see that kind of those light bulb moments or those you know, those wonders and that those learning moments basically.
So what have been some recent learning moments or light bulbs that have gone off for them?
I think obviously, you know dancing and you know listening songs and animal noises and books and you know, repeating books or you know, you pointing to something in a book and then repeating it, you know, say right now it’s kind of funny, the, you know, good night moon book, classic, I remember that would be a pretty, pretty sell staple in our household when I was growing up. And the little late little old lady whispering hush and not put my finger on me lifted and say hi, should they do it too? So that’s that those stuffs just kind of funny right now to me.
(NOTE: Still expecting? Get weekly updates on your twin pregnancy here.)
Do you have twin girls? Is that right?
Yep. twin girls. Yeah.
Are they identical or not?
No. faternal. So they, yes, my mom, they’re identical. Just because grandma has a really hard time telling them apart.
(RELATED: Still expecting twins? Will you be having two boys, two girls, or boy/girl twins? Answer these quick questions to see what several old wives’ tales claim you’ll be having….)
Alright, let’s let’s rewind the clock back to when you found out that you were having twins. What was your family situation like at that time?
So the first to family? So we started trying and basically, October of 18 a sure you know, Fall of 18. And soon after, like, Oh, my wife kind of did in a card and are announcing a card and the first ultrasound. The tech was like, Oh, you know, they look good. You know, the pronoun base. And you know, he was like what? You know, they? And so yeah, yeah, you’re twins, you didn’t know that we’re like, no, so it was just kind of nervously laughing through the, you know, through the rest of the ultrasound and just kind of in shock.
Yeah, it is a shock when you’re not expecting to and they just kind of subtly mention it as if we’re in a big deal. fraternal twins, twin girls, did you have any complications during the pregnancy? That that made you concerned or worried?
Not actually not. At first, everything was going by great. Like, you know, first, the teens 20s weeks into the pregnancy first trimester, second trimester was just awesome. You know, not a whole lot of complications, or you know, pretty boring, actually mundane. So, that’s when I read your book, I’d read your book all throughout it. And you know, you’re kind of listening to or looking at blog stuff and you know, your social media posts. And I was like, Well, you know, model this doesn’t really apply to me too much yet. But we’re really stuck out to me, I think, you know, it was probably about 30 ish week mark, the pregnancy of my wife’s pregnancy. You posted something I forget on one of the platforms is like, you know, how long did your twins stay in your Nick you or did they, you know, did you basically what was a hospital situation week situation like, excuse me, did they come home or both come home right away. So I sort of read through that. And I was like, Oh, no, you know, that’s, you know, I heard about the ones you know, one came home first or they both stayed for a while. And so I kind of sifted through that. And I was like average doesn’t apply to me. Fast forward to the pregnancy. Or she me and then the night of about 35 weeks, my my my wife delivered through C section. And I was about I work about 45 minutes away, and I actually had my golf league on Thursday nights. Were around where I work, and I just got off the course basically when the clubhouse Insert eating. And she said there she, he or she, me, she called me. And I’m like, Oh, you know, I’m eating right now, you know, I’m about to wrap up and pay my bills and get out here. And then I got the call another call no text. And so she’s like, yeah, I think my water broke. Miko, 35 weeks, I’m like this. And I suppose you know, you know, everything was going by smoothly, it wasn’t gonna be one of those things, you know. So anyway, so I got home by 4550 minutes later, and we went in and she went into contractions, so they’re, like, you know, kind of what we do, she got shipped back. She’s probably around midnight, that night, that Thursday night on the 23rd. And soon after about probably about 45 minutes 30 and 45 minutes, I was kind of in the waiting area or, and one of the rooms and got got called in, got my bunny suit wherever we got called in. And I sat down basically and it seemed like you know, everything the room spawn, and basically, you know, Father twin girls right away. So you read these stories and kind of one of the things never happened mean everything to me, everything was called by so so smoothly that I didn’t, didn’t expect it, but glad I read through the stuff because that kind of prepared me for what came next.
It foreshadowed something that was gonna happen after birth. So there’s obviously some complications with the babies after they were born. What was the circumstance there?
They came out, we kind of did their check. And we actually had we got wheeled back into kind of the you want to call it a room, but basically where you can have skin to skin Cana interaction with the, with the twins. And so we had that for about 10 ish minutes, a little bit longer, maybe. And then they start checking vitals and in the room, and they’re like, you know, we might, you can you’re wheeled up to the room. And then we’ll see, you know, check vitals and see if they can, they can join you. Well, both of them, their vitals were where they want it to be hardware rate, their breathing rate, their Oh, two levels were not where they wanted to be. So they went to the new queue, right then in there, right about, you know, 15 minutes after we were in the recovery room with them. So, and then my wife had high blood pressures, we can had to deal with that a little bit, it wouldn’t come down. But the older one by five minutes, Olivia, she only stayed about about half a day about 11 hours in the nick queue. But Adeline, the younger one, she’s pretty to Kip Next, you know, her breathing was really sporadic or irregular. So she spent about 11 days in the NICU.
Let’s talk about your wife first. You said she had some high blood pressure problems. How did that get resolved after delivery,
it was a it was probably about through the night was kind of rough because I woke her up every 10 hours, or excuse me, not 10 hours, every couple hours. And so she was kind of, obviously, late night, late night pregnancy, through the night not getting much sleep going through. So probably about eight hours or sitting at eight or nine hours that she had the high blood pressure they had to deal with and it finally came down. So that was the main thing though, that that she went through.
So both of your girls are taken to the NICU. And after one day, I guess you had your oldest with you probably in the recovery room with your wife and then it’s probably time to be discharged from the hospital. But one of you girls, we’re gonna still be in the NICU. So what were some of your thoughts and emotions as you had to leave one of them at the hospital?
is hard for sure. Obviously. Most people have that reaction, but it was good to have that or Olivia with us and my wife get to you know, interact with one of her kids right away she and seeing him in a while after that the 10 or 11 hours. So she was kind of happy to have one in her arms and and that was kind of like well, you know, they see kind of see you out but it especially this is our first first two kids. I was like kind of what now you know, like they’re just gonna release this, you know, what, what is the manual that you know, or you know, what’s who’s gonna tell us what to do next. So, but my wife had a pretty hard time with it, you know, I’m just waiting on one of my babies is still still in the in the queue and you know, seeing her she was basically kind of, you know, it wasn’t like total under behind glass or she was kind of in an oxygen box I guess you could call it so seeing her kind of last time and saying goodbye to her for just for a little bit was was pretty rough. But like most of the people said that, you know, I’ve read on your, your social media, whatever it was just kind of nice kind of trying to get our bearings with one You know, and because we’re first time parents, so to see him introducing her to the dog to the dog, we’ve reacted to Olivia, the older one. And he did. He was great with showing us a two year old dog at the times, and he’s three now, but so that’s kind of nerve wracking. sleeping at night, you know, when we had a pack and play that had a bassinet, basically her bassinet, he could lay over top. So we’re like, Alright, you know, we’ll try that because we’ve heard some stuff that that might help or that might be the way to go, at least for you know, the very early stages of infancy she didn’t really like that Olivia didn’t so he did take her out and put her in, like basically, you know, back in the crib or in a crib, so yeah, a lot of touching go stuff. Olivia was she Adeline still hanging tough. But definitely hard to leave her.
what was the schedule like for when you would go back to visit your younger daughter who’s in the NICU, and who would take care of the one that was at home had that workout?
Yeah, so obviously, my wife is on maternity leave. So she would go in the morning. And we’d have either one of my parents or one ever heard dad come and kind of help out and they would go and visit in the morning and stay for you know, through a couple hours to me a couple hours to three hours, something like that. And and then I was a teacher so I could get some time off. But you know, it’s hard because it’s weird. They were born in May so right before the break before summer break. So you’re wrapping up stuff starting to prepare for exams for high school exam, so and I just had so much so much vacation days that like it was kind of limited a little bit but I would right after school, I would go and hang out and basically 334 o’clock until seven or eight o’clock. So we kind of wind shifts, which is good because, you know, one of us was was there not all the time but enough that time that you know, we knew what was going on and we get to spend time with her.
So describe the experience when you’re in the NICU with your daughter like what kind of interactions are able to have and what are you seeing around you?
Yeah, so obviously everybody you know you hear that the alarms going off and that’s kind of unnerving at first year that ding ding ding and for my it was mostly the oxygen level so you know at first you’re like why isn’t anybody do anything because your oxygen levels dip in for the you know the alarm like that’s you know that’s why it’s there somebody come and help but but you know you got you learn to kind of say okay, it’s not that low you almost became hollinshead expert yourself but you know you kind of learn to know the I guess the alarms and how serious and that serious it was and you know the other babies around obviously doing the exact same thing and I think there’s at least eight other kids in this part I guess you could call it that we’re at Nick you and you know he got to know some of the parents and talk to them from afar a little bit and get to know their situations and it was kind of like I guess pretty comforting experience that you know that these other parents are going through the same thing and other parents have went through the same thing and and even though nothing’s guaranteed that you know kind of trust the process and trust the nurses to get through it.
Was the health of your daughter ever really in doubt or was it just she just needed to spend some more time in the NICU
you try to get information out of the nurses and and well how much are there protecting you a little bit and how much they’re they’re giving you straight hard truth? I don’t think it was that bad but I think it was worse than I thought especially originally when they were born you know all this stuff that they were doing when there’s I couldn’t tell you what’s a normal situation is for twins in a in a C section situation but I mean there’s obviously the doctor the nurses the NCD ologists and but there seemed like more like three four nurses per kid when they were working at you know when they were first kind of cleaning them up and getting the vitals and everything and I was like well it seemed kind of normal because I didn’t know different any different but looking back on a site that actually normal or you know where they actually uh you know all hands on deck type thing and then and then in the neck queue it seemed like Adeline was was pretty touching go and pretty I would say a vulnerable they’re hanging by string but probably a little bit worse than I thought just her breathing was just you know it looks like look like her chest chest was caving in every you know, breath he took it was kind of as kind of difficult to look at but but yeah, obviously she got through it. And she’s there’s no real complications yet and now that she’s 19 months that no, no residual. I guess complications from it.
Were you able to touch her to hold her and then ACU What was your physical interaction there.
So at first not really because you Under that kind of actually unbox and you know, kind of be able to like stroke her leg a little bit because then shoes on her on her stomach. And then when they turn it to her back and you know, brought her put an oxygen tube in her nose, you they will hold her unable to feed her actually, as well through a, you know, syringe. So that was that was awesome to do and actually get to hold her. And it’s kind of progressive, I guess you could say. And then finally, after she was off oxygen, it was just basically for she was under observation for a little bit. And you know that before sheep about a day or two before she was really so it’s kind of progression of just, you know, just looking at her and not being able to do anything, and it’s kind of touching her her foot to, you know, holding her to or tough holding her and then feeding her and then just without any cords or anything to make too many cores attached.
So after about a week apart, you were able to bring everybody home. So you go from you probably just had figured out to take care of one and then all of a sudden you have to now at the house. So what was that transition, like having two to take care of
it actually, you know, after getting to the hang of one is just because my wife and I she was really prepared. You know, she’s the one that bought me your book. And you know, she had a bunch of materials. And she just she’s a lawyer, so she she’s just, you know, prepared, ultra prepared. So, you know, we had a plan, you know, that they had to wake up every three hours to you know, to feed, they defeat every three hours. So we kind of had that kind of schedule to work off of, but even beyond that she had a pretty, pretty tight schedule. So you know, we it was, you know, one handling one, one and the other one handling them another handling claim on duty or something like that. actually pretty good. We worked as a pretty good team and it kind of, you know, brought us together bonded us a little bit more beyond what I think of was just having a single 10. So yeah, it was it wasn’t too crazy anything was to that after we had both, it was just kind of regimented schedule. Obviously being a little bit flexible because kids are you have to be very flexible with kids but having a plan in place but not being panicky, I guess if you had to deviate from one
was mom breastfeeding or bottle feeding? What worked for you?
She pumped. Yeah, so she, she tried at first. It just just didn’t work out. Basically, they were not they weren’t lashing whatever. So breastfeeding, there’s gonna be bottle feeding from pumping for about a six, seven months, seven, eight months. And then we switched formula after that.
So by the time you had everybody home, you had already gone back to work, or you still had time off
to being a teacher. You know, by the time they were both back, there’s a little bit of overlap where I was still working when both Omar’s home. But then summer break happened and, and you know, I was my wife was on maternity and I was you know, on summer break. So that was a real blessing that, you know, we I was able to be around for the most part after that. And to you know, to help out and to to be around. Yeah,
that is good timing. How long did your wife have a home before she had to go back to work?
Basically, is this over two months? Or three months? Three months? I think it was for her maternity.
So when you both went back to work, oh, who was watching the babies?
Unknown Speaker 18:37
So we hired a nanny. We found her through care comm so we signed up like you know for the there’s a free you know, whatever version but we signed up through the the paid version, we set everything out the I guess the resume out or the what we were looking for out and we had about nine that we sifted through and and said that we were going to interview or wanted to interview and then from the first interview we narrowed it down to three and then we finally ended up with one and we’re really happy with with her right now. She’s She’s great. She’s local, kind of obviously been a mean education and wanted I tried to get somebody with education background and she does a pair pro in local schools and whatnot. So you know, she’s been great of doing early childhood development stuff with a girl so
so what’s the typical schedule like for the nanny
She usually gets you around nine my COVID stuff my my wife gets up a little bit earlier than I do and works and then I get up. I try to help out as much as possible, but usually they get up after I leave. Nanny comes at nine. I get home anywhere. If I have meetings after school. I usually get home around four 30 ish on average and then I prepare as much dinner as I can and then she leaves around five so and then she’ll help out on the weekends whenever you know we can but again COVID we’re not really doing what’s
That’s wonderful, you’re able to find someone that was a good fit for your girls. How much as in any cost
me when we put the job description I always have between 15 and $20 and we’re paying her $16 an hour right now and pay vacation we kind of have like a paid vacation schedule and
let’s talk about some of the milestones your girls have hit walking are they working right now?
Yeah, walking I say about 13 months early summer they started to walk they did pretty well eating I mean they are now inside solid foods and whatnot. It was just kind of just trial and error with with eating foods and they didn’t spend too much time on on baby food after the bottle and now we’re working on eating with with utensils and sometimes it works out well and sometimes it’s just catapult session so
do you have them in high chairs or a little booster seats when we’re eating
chairs right now we’re slowly transitioning reduce your seat sometimes just sit on our laps and eat our snack or whatever. We have a learning tab where I guess you call now right? So they’ll they’ll climb up into that they can climb up and climb out of it. You know help us out or you know help us cook cook bring silverware pots and pans around basically so what it is but but when they have snacks and stuff so yeah and then we have a minute and a straw a cup the safety lid and the straw so yeah, trying to you know, I guess push the boundaries are trying to try to get him to new milestones every time now
Are they still in a crib serve they figured out how to climb out
Yeah, no, they’re still in right now. So they had to move the crib away from the wall for one of them Adeline shoes like tugging on the drapes and I have to fix that now. But still in sewing cribs. They haven’t obviously get the camera out on the baby mom banded around them but I haven’t seen them try to climb out of it yet but probably you know, it’s it’s coming so we have a crib that converts into a bed that just has a rail on it but we haven’t even tested that out yet or are not at that stage yet
as we tried to keep the kids in the cribs as long as we could because then we know at least the chaos is contained. But you’re right it doesn’t last forever unfortunately.
Yeah. And and are we just kind of a side note we we move into a new house during all this craziness when they see about may so they just before year we moved into a new house just kind of expanded we were in about 1300 square foot house and we just stayed in who was a singleton but you know we see a twin we’re like all right well looked into a site to build just about a mile and a half away so but my parents nanny helped out with the move they were great with that. But the the new door handles that we have they’re not like just the knobs they’re like the handle and they reach those right now. Most of them have locks but like my mom my wife’s office that I’m in right now doesn’t have a lock So at the beginning obviously you heard him come in just because there’s no locks and stuff so you know they they learned how to open doors
what are their child proofing challenges have you had with them
dog dishes a little bit toilets to definitely toilet seats and whatnot and trying to trying to play in the toilet basically. I’m trying to think obviously steps a little bit we get you have a baby at the bottom baby eat at the top but they they’re heavy enough now that they can you know shake it it’s just kind of you know, the screws they just tighten and vise basically on the outside of the walls. We did have a little bit on the back patio. We had one of them we’re my wife now we’re getting ready for cleaning up dinner and my wife’s doing dishes and I’m kind of slipping stuff back and forth and then like come out and she’s on the chair and then boom she’s not on the chair so she busted her busted her chin was just bleeding we we just took her to the ER to for precautionary stuff but so that was as big as a scary moment and kind of one of those things where obviously it was you know we were nice that wasn’t we collected them and didn’t didn’t watch him or turned around. Yeah, but just turning back for a second and boom, she’s up there and then she’s down. So fairly bad parents obviously felt like you know, like when CPS is off, take them to the hospital. CPS is gonna get the wrong type stuff you know, you just have all those those things rushing through your mind. But no stitches. Nothing Nothing happened after. But that’s one of those things, parents turn your back and boom, something happens.
Yeah, that happens. Every parent, every kid somehow gets in trouble. You just, it’s just takes a second, right you turn around and then accident happens. It’s just part of life, especially very active toddlers. And then when you have two of them running in different directions, it’s not always easy to keep keep an eye on both of them all the time. What’s the typical day in the life like right now as far as sleep schedules and eating schedules for your girls,
sleep schedules, pretty good. I mean, so going back to I know it got your stuff you’ve suggested sleeps, training stuff, and I forget which one my wife did. But so after, you know, obviously, like I said, at the beginning, we had to feed him every three hours. And then after that, that kind of period expired, that we had a pretty regimented sleep schedule and followed up a training guide pretty well. So they’re actually pretty good sleep through night, we put them down, probably around eight o’clock at night. And then they don’t really get up till about 738 o’clock. Maybe you hear him Stewart hear him talking to each other at 730. But they’re pretty content until eight o’clock. nap schedule. Now we’re down to one nap basically right after lunch 12 1231 o’clock, and anywhere they get up between to hopefully 233 o’clock. A little beyond but and then eating schedules with no breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks in between. So breakfast, right, if they get up, snack around 10 ish 1030 have lunch in it depends on lunch, whether they get up, or if they sleep late. So if they’re if they go down late, so let’s say you know, it’s 12 o’clock and 1230 they’ll probably have lunch, then if it’s like 1130 and they seem pretty sleepy, then it’s just the light snack and then opposite on the other side. And then when I usually when I’m cooking dinner around for 430 they just get some Cheerios out or you know something out to hold them over to dinner and about six o’clock. And then usually they’re pretty good, you know, we try to have a bottle or just some not a bottle, just a glass of milk right before they go to bed. 732. And then they go down. So we’ve been blessed with pretty, pretty, pretty consistent sleep schedules for him, which I know here that’s this horror stories of other people. But knock on wood, we haven’t experienced that yet, at least.
Yeah, once you can get him in a good schedule. That’s, that’s a lifesaver. Because you know what to expect. And you get, you’re guaranteed, like some time for just you or you and your and your spouse together. Whereas when things are kind of unpredictable, turns everything on its head, speaking of time with your wife, how have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife through the ups and downs and challenges of raising twins?
You know, and one of the things that you mentioned? He obviously got to, you know, yeah, yes, yeah, find ways to you know, get to get a loan to wife, we actually one of the things we did pre COVID, when everything hits that we are to get away for a destination wedding, in December of 19. My parents thankfully volunteered or we asked them to Washington, they did. So we will do that. And that was nice. And then the nanny has been really good. We’ve even for COVID we tried to get some high school, local high school babysitters to, you know, put some stuff out there and bulletins and newsletters, and nobody really, we didn’t get any bites on that. But but then adding has been pretty good. You know, let me just let us we’ll go out golfing or something like so obviously kind of a COVID approved situation or you know, outdoors and but you just out and around. So but then in the summers as well off in May, were in Michigan. So we’ll go up north and we’ll have my immediate family around to help us out and either go for walks or you’re gonna go for a boat ride or go for a swim or something. So that’s been good. So obviously, like you said, a little bit different with COVID. And but we still have been able to kind of sneak out here and there kind of, you know, try to use many date nights and as possible. And yeah, it’s it’s tough. It’s challenging. And a lot of nights is just like, you know what, like, what do you what do you want to watch or you know, you want to watch this show or you know, what, what do you want to stream now on a Friday and Saturday night, which we’re fine with, but we did definitely have had some, some opportunities to get away for sure.
That’s great. So imagine a friend of yours finds out he’s expecting twins, what would be one piece of advice that you would give to him?
Plan as much as possible. But don’t freak out. When things go awry. Look to the communities that he said. Like you You’ve talked about local twin communities, you kind of roll with it. It’s just awesome. I mean, I tell parents for especially first ones are first time parents of twins. That might seem overwhelming, but it’s basically normal. It’s what we call normal, right? We didn’t know anything before. We didn’t know parenthood before twins. So people are like, Oh my gosh, first first time, you know, you get twins right off the bat. It’s like, well, I come on stick, it’s kind of better because, you know, no different and, you know, they interact with each other, you know, if you’re, you know, Friday so now you’re you’re home and you’re playing with them or even you know, weeknight, you’re home and you’re playing with them. And they’re playing with each other. If you’re there Singleton they, you know, they just be sitting playing they it’s an instant playmate, it’s instant, you know, instant friends. So it’s, it’s, it’s awesome. And, and it’s scary. It’s daunting, but it’s awesome at the same time. And it’s, it’s unbelievable.
That it is it’s awesome to be a parent of twins for sure. Tony, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?
I’m pretty active on Twitter. My, my Twitter handle is trowe84 for all lowercase you can reach out, send me a direct message. And I’m pretty good at checking them. So feel free to reach out with any questions or any anything you want. Excellent.
Well, Tony, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We really appreciate it. Yeah, thanks for having me. Enjoy. Appreciate it a lot. I hope you enjoy the chat with Tony about his adventures as a father of twin girls. If you’d like to connect with Tony, or listen to any of the parts we discussed, you can find everything over at twin dad podcast com. If you would like to share your story like Tony did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email Joe at dad’s guide to twins calm. Or I’m on Instagram and Twitter at twin dad Joe and also on facebook.com slash dads guide to twins. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads called dads guide to twins. You can learn more about this book at twin dad book.com. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.
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