Episode 246 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes
Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Rich Banbury, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:
- A typical day in the life schedule of one-year-olds
- How dad can take care of the twins
- When breastfeeding didn’t work due to trouble latching
- Dad can be more involved when bottle-feeding
- Induction but no progress so had to have c-section
- Mom lost lots of blood so had to go back into surgery
- Bringing twins home and figuring everything out
- One more active than the other
- Advantages of the bottle prep machine
- and more…
Connect with Rich on Instagram.
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Getting through that first year with twins can be really tough. We’re going to jump into one twin dad’s journey from finding out he’s having twins through that first year today on the show.
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the “Dad’s Guide to Twins”, Joe Rawlinson.
Hey everybody, and welcome to the 246th episode of the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always, you can find me on the web at twindadpodcast.com. Where you’ll find the complete transcript for this episode. And you can listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a fellow twin dad from the UK, and father of boy girl twins. But before we jump into that conversation, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Twins: How to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins”. You can learn more about this book at twindadbook.com. Let’s jump right into that interview. Today I would like to welcome to the show father of twins. Rich Banbury Welcome to the show Rich.
Hi there Joe, Great to be here.
Rich, how old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age?
they they’re going to be one years old, on the 12th of this month, I think I think the best part for myself and Clare, my partner now is just where the you know, the really becoming their own little sort of people start to interact with the small being able to play with them more, you know that it’s not just sort of practical, you know, day to day stuff with them is exciting watching them grow up. Now. It’s a good age or, you know, it’s, it was very tough, you know, I’m sure as you know, you know, the first three months, up to six months, it was quite intense where some of us just now, you know, sort of enjoy your time in them a bit more.
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Yes, for sure. The first year is quite a challenge. So you’re almost full, almost finished with that first year, which is quite the accomplishment.
Not Absolutely. It was it was really timing for yourself. I mean, you have you’ve got two boys have new and two identical girls.
That must have been incredibly intense.
Yeah, it was fun. They all came really close together. And so we had our hands full with not just the twins, but two very young siblings as well,
That must have been tough.
Now they’re all teenagers are almost teenagers. So it’s a whole different level of excitement around the house now.
Does it? Does it get easier? Oh,
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it does. I mean, you’re coming out of the first year, which is insane and crazy. And as you started to notice, they become more self sufficient, you know, they sleep better, the better and they can entertain each other and life starts to get a little bit easier as time goes on.
I think that’s a bit already for us where it’s small things but were even down to them, you know, holding their own bottle or trying to think of things now below that, that that type of stuff where but you know, before you had them you wouldn’t think of make that much difference but just being able to feed themselves for instance, it you know, it does make such a difference. Then we even started to slip through the night where we you know, any up to recently have they started going through the night. But that is just been an absolute godsend again, you just don’t realize, you know, you’re almost like walking around like a zombie. You know, a lot of the time. Yeah, now they’re starting to sleep through it. Yeah, it’s a big difference. It’s good.
What is the typical schedule for your nearly one year olds right now? Like, what time do they wake up? And when do they even take naps, things like that?
Yeah, they get up. I get up with them in the morning. So you know, how we kind of work and structure meaning class work and myself. Obviously not. At the moment I’m, when I’m at work next day, Claire generally has an overnight but I get them up then in the morning. So then seven, I’ll feed them breakfast, and spend a bit of time with them before then I have to go to work where then I’ll you know, I’ll get Claire let her have a better line of shoes, you know, had a bit of a bad night with them. Then she’ll get up I’ll go to work. Then we then around sort of nine o’clock ish, or sorry, they have breakfast soy around between half seven and eight. But then about nine half nine, they’ll get out for a nap. Get up again. And it’s that sort of about three to four hour, you know, window then between them, you know, they don’t have lunch, have their next nap. And then they’ll have no dinner, etc. and then go down about sort of seven, half, seven, something like that. And then fingers crossed for the night.
So you mentioned taking turns with your partner who would get up in the nighttime. How did you have that scheduled look over the last year as far as who would wake up and who was to get a rest
when we first had them. Claire what was super covering from The birth I did a lot of it for the first probably, you know, two to three weeks. And again it you know, it was so intense and Claire and on our body where we she was trying to breastfeed and did for a teeny bit, but it wasn’t working, it was very hard. And so Claire did express though. So we didn’t use formula, then Claire sort of expressed it at first, I think was about three months, four months. But again, so she was, you know, she was up a lot just having to do that anyway. So, um, I was trying to feed and support Well, I could, then we went, I went back to work. And then again, it kind of fitted basically, you know, if I was at work, the next day, Claire tried to take them if if it was, you know, really bad night or something, you know, you kind of got to just go with the flow a bit, something happened, I’d get up and obviously help. But if it was a more simpler night, clever, take them, I’d get my sleep, I’d go to work, then we’d plan it. And my days off deck, and I’d take them overnights and Claire could have a decent sleep. But I think it was about when they were six weeks old is when the lockdown happened. So if you imagine I’d had my my paternity leave, gone back to work for something like that between, you know, four to six weeks, and then the lockdown happened. And even though that caused, you know, there was other issues, obviously, same with everyone with that. And the business and other things, in certain ways actually helped. I was quite lucky in a way to then have you know, about another 12 weeks off because of lockdown with Claire. So then we would just stagger it, you know, either every other night, or, you know, two nights on two nights off sorts of things. We did that for the next three months. And then now I’m back at work full time, genuinely Claire has them during the week, and then when I’m off weekend, I have them in the evening, you know, overnight, I mean.
sounds like a good rotation, a good schedule. So you mentioned that your partner tried to breastfeed the twins, it just didn’t work out was there a source of why that wasn’t working?
they weren’t great sort of latching in, you know, it is so tough, I think the pressures as well, because, you know, everyone kind of knows, generally, you know, breastfeeding if you can, is better in the sense of for the, for the bowl, that’s where you read, you know, in here bed for the baby. So, like anyone else with, you know, tried and tried, especially with having two of them, it’s almost like a bit of a time game, you know, when they’re hungry, and you’re trying and it’s not working, it comes to a point where, you know, you have to feed them. And if they’re not, you know, latching on and it’s not working. You know, you don’t have a choice, really, there’s only so far you can push that. So it just it just happened for us where and it was definitely through not lack of trying. But yeah, it was more the babies weren’t latching again, there being two of them, trying to position them just trying to logistically do it as well, you know, it was when you can use a lot of pressure and work on Claire. And so we sort of compromised at that, you know, we’d Express for as long as we could carry Care’s milk supply was really good. And so we could express and feed them the amount without any formula, again, for probably the first four months, just you know, just from Claire, so you know, sort of a compromise in the end, but it was good. And, you know, it was the way it was going to be and so be it. You know.
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That’s true. That’s very common, what you’re describing, where the mother will try to feed, try to breastfeed the twins directly. And for whatever reason, it just is not successful. And you just have to change him, you have to do something different to make sure the babies are getting the nourishment that they need. So you mentioned latch problems. I mean, we had the same problem with our girls, they had a hard time latching on. And so we ended up having to switch to bottle feeding. So you know, whatever ends up working, whatever ends up working for the babies, whatever ends up working for the parents.
I think one of the one of the benefits of that. I know, you know, some of my friends who have Singleton’s but top, you know, knowing the husbands that they missed out on a bonding phase, they kind of felt quite useless that you know, how they described it to me through that phase because they couldn’t really do much, you know, because the baby basically, you know, either wanted to sleep, you know, or be fed. And other than changing maybe nappies now and again, you know, a lot of the pressure was on the mum where I think when you can bottle feed for the dad, it gives you an opportunity to genuinely, you know, share the workload and have time with your children and bond with them. So again, you know, we would have breastfed if we could, but in a certain way again, I think it was kind of quite beneficial with being able to get involved
I agree that was a big deal for me too. I being able to bottle feed my girls, you know taking turns bottle feeding them was give you time with them one on one that you would not have otherwise have gotten. Well Rich, let’s rewind back to when you found out that you would be having twins. How did you find out about that news? And what was your reaction?
Well, we we found out in the dream that Claire was pregnant, she came to my work with with come up with a set, it was coming close to my birthday. I think you said Happy Happy Birthday daddy on it. I think it was Claire came to my work. And yeah, gave that to me. And me being just me being me being being bit stupid. I’ve opened that and because I’m at work I’ve read, but sort of said to Claire, what you know, what is this? What do you what you’re talking about with my work mind still on. And then Claire gave me a little box that had the pregnancy, you know, tested. And then obviously, I realized, and, you know, that was great. And then it was was a flee. Eight weeks after that. The Claire had a slight bleed, which obviously isn’t necessarily, you know, often not anything to worry about. But again, being twins slightly higher risk. And what we’d read, you know that there was a slight bleed, and we were concerned. So we booked in a different appointment to get a checked. We, I laugh just looking back, it’s crazy. Now being a year year past it, we went to this, you know, in the sun ographers they’re doing the scan, and we couldn’t see the the screen shadow facing her. She’s doing it. And you know, we turned up worried obviously, for the worst, I was thinking in my head, you know, in case something, the worst have happened to try to prepare myself slightly for it. And so she’s scanning, and we suppose that they’re quite nervous. And she then said, she turned the screen towards us, and then said, Look, there’s you know, there’s the heartbeat. And obviously, we both had a massive sigh of relief. And then she said, and there’s the other heartbeat. And I won’t say exactly what I said. But we were rather shocked to say the least, I think when we walked out, I think people thought we’d had bad news because we were in such shock. If you see what I mean, they kind of ushered us over into another room opposite, where we were going to see a specialist afterwards. And we both just sat there in silence. And we were really happy. But you know, when you’re just so shocked by something, we kind of just sat there staring at each other for about 10 minutes. But yeah, so that’s how I found out that then it was a different ballgame, then it was Google time. And that’s how I found you was a you know, looking through a whole array of twin, you know, YouTube videos and podcasts, etc. and trying to do as much research as we could and prepare ourselves for it.
So you found out through some big surprise that you’d be having twins? When did you find out what kind of twins you would be having? And what was your reaction then?
When we went for the scans when he was at the point? You know, when you could find out the sex of the children? We we wanted to know who you know, we’re we’re not very good at waiting Anyway, there’s no way we’re going to wait. So they could tell jack, you know, we tell we were having a boy. But they were saying sometimes that it’s hard to tell for the girl because just because they can’t see, you know, whether it’s a boy or not doesn’t mean it’s not. So we didn’t 100% know whether we’re going to have two boys, or a boy and a girl until they popped out. So yeah, we knew we’re going to have a little boy out of time that we weren’t 100% sure whether it was going to be a girl or boy until we in our two we were there, which was quite exciting as well. Anyway.
So how did you make some How did you make preparations when you didn’t know if you’d have two boys or a boy and a girl?
I think it was more first sort of practicalities, you know, or just just I suppose you know, again, really just googling looking in here again for instance near listening to your podcast going on to YouTube videos and just listening to other people’s advice and the kind of you know the must haves for twins to make you know either easily packed whether it’s from bottle making, you know, whether it’s to them, excuse me, whether they’re sleeping, whatever it might be, you know, carrying them around from slings and bounces and everything and everything so more you know, not knowing it was girl or boy didn’t affect too much. At that point we’re in a two bed flat and so they were gonna have to share rooms it wasn’t like we were going to be decorating the room a certain color or anything. And we just bought any clothes we bought we you know, they were pretty neutral kind of colors, etc. So for them so yeah, it was really just practical prep, you know as much as we could just to get ourselves ready for that. That first ominous first night when you you know you get kicked out of hospital and you suddenly realize you when you run with them realize you don’t know what you’re doing.
So were there any complications during the pregnancy?
We were booked in on the Monday for the, you know, to start the process, and we go in and Claire is checked, you know, everyone does and everything’s normal. We they started inducing on the Monday and started putting the oxytocin, I think it is, you know, to sort of start that process. Later on that day, they broke Jack’s water to start and we were doing they’re kind of you know, they’re walking around the hospital and bouncing on the gym ball and that kind of stuff to try and get things going. That went into Monday night into Tuesday. And they got to Tuesday evening. And they said that, if nothing had happened that night, they were going to do a C section that following morning to Wednesday morning, which is what then happened. So then the Wednesday morning, they, you know, prepped us all the consultants are coming to speak to us, we went down and went to the theater, which again was quite a surreal environment, it’s it’s oddly calm, you know, for how nervous I wasn’t, you know, in that kind of environment, but the staff there were fantastic. And just, you know, made you feel like, they were in complete control. And, you know, you were doing it was very odd. This, the C section itself kind of went okay, did it, they came out, I got to know, cut the cord, and that, that kind of stuff. Jack was struggling to breathe a bit. But we got to hold them there for a little bit. And they took them away, then just you know, to do some checks on them. And clear me and Claire went to the recovery room afterwards, then and Claire, she was just bleeding a lot, basically. And it wouldn’t stop. So we went back to the Labor ward. And we were so they could watch her. And he wouldn’t, it just wouldn’t stop. And the reason we found out afterwards, some to do with it. Again, if I get this slightly wrong excuse it, but the oxytocin they use to induce the labor, it’s the same thing they use after labor to stop the bleeding and something about attracting the uterus. But because Claire’s body had no response to it, you know, when they were trying to induce this sadly, at the same effect, the other side where this main drug they use, you know, which works kind of 90% of the time, it didn’t work and so you trust one contract, and so she wouldn’t stop bleeding. And then that got a bit heavy, you know, one point and then the Wednesday evening, they took it back into theater again. Then she came out of that. And then they had to do a blood transfusion where they’re at dead cut from the first day, you know, she started perking up a bit more, and then started recovering, you know, very quickly and we were actually out of hospital on the Saturday but it was scary. My buddies were as well that’s I don’t want to fight in every you know, every parent to be listening to this. It was a very rare circumstances not common for that to happen. But it was our experience anyway,
were you able to be with Claire or were you with the babies during during this challenging time with the blood loss?
We said we’d held the babies, they then be brought to us in the recovery room. So they were there with us. But it got like I said it sort of got a little bit tense at one point on I actually asked for them if because we had a trainee midwife who had followed us through the whole experience as well. So she was kind of like an extra midwife who was there as well that would normally be and cause what was going on there was many consultants and you know, our little sort of curtain doff area was incredibly busy with people and actually asked whether we could they could almost take just the babies away for a second because it was it was quite a stressful scenario. And again, the sort of what you know, pick them up and look after them but was quite distracting within obviously very concerned for Claire and wanting to be you know, be there with them and be able to talk to her and put my full attention to her. So they they just took the babies away for a little bit. Whilst you know, they they kind of worked on Claire and just, you know, maitri she was okay. And then after that, once we got back to the labour ward, we are you know, they they were there sort of waiting for us. So we spent some time with them. That was nice, but they got they got taken away then to the new cube because they thought they had an infection. So they had to go on antibiotics. I pretty much came straight back that day. I remember rightly, but jack that had gone to ventilate, because he wasn’t breathing correctly. And he stayed on that until we do have been, I think this Saturday morning. So the morning we actually left we got off the day we shot we didn’t leave too Saturday evening, but we got jack back on, on Saturday morning, then, you know, the we were with them, both of them then for that whole day. And in between that time, you know, Claire was was pretty bedridden couldn’t really move. So I was walking over to the NICU, you know, just sitting with Jack in his little incubator, you know, as you do, and then walking back and seeing Claire stuff going back and forth for the sort of four days, four or five days, whatever was we were there. So quite, quite intense.
Yes, that is an intense week, you go from induction, trying to have babies naturally to a C section to trouble with Mum, maybe issues with baby, you know, then all of a sudden they send you home, and it’s time to start.
Absolutely. But that is what it felt like, I think you get we that we were looked after, you know, so well that the NHS staff and the nurses, and doctors were just absolutely fantastic. And they did such a good job, you know, looking after us, but kind of, you know, catering to every whim of us, you know, the babies everything that the when we left, you just you almost didn’t realize how much they were doing for you, you know, till you have some of your home. When you own then yeah, just worrying about every noise the baby makes. I mean, the amount of nights where you know, you take X amount of time to get them to sleep. But then if they didn’t move too much, I’ll be putting them awake again to make sure they were okay. I mean, it’s insane in a way, isn’t it? What do you what you do?
Yes, it does take a while to get used to all of the noises and, and things you hear out of them when they’re perfectly fine. It’s just it’s new to you. You’re like what’s going on? What’s wrong with my babies?
How did you find out when you’re, you know, when you had your first was this similar,
oh very much very much similar to what you’re describing where I would hear a noise, I would jump out of bed, I would go check on the baby. And I mean, at first it was a singleton, but he’d be asleep. Totally fine. breathing normally. And then I my heart would be racing because I jumped out of bed so it’d be hard for me to fall back asleep. And then I then I’d hear another noise and I’d jump out of bed anyway it was eventually I think I just got so exhausted that I would sleep through some of the sounds and when he was ready to feed and such then we’d hear him you know, crying.
Did that stuff get easier when you had your second and then third and fourth, I presume has all become a bit of a bit of an expert within that a bit. relax a bit.
Yeah, a little more relaxed because you knew what to expect. But with with going from like a Singleton’s to having twins. My wife and I would both wake up to take care of the twins were when it was just the one baby. She would wake up to feed, feed them and I I’d sleep more often than not so yeah, it was it was a little more. Everybody got sleep deprived. Not just not just mama time. So Now was it just you and Claire after you brought the baby’s home or did you have grandparents or anybody else there to help you?
So we were in the hospital, we know we’ve been visited by the sort of the parents etc. And we got back one of my very close friends and his wife had met us at the hospital when we were leaving and kind of just helped us with stuff we had at the day came back to the to the flat for an hour or so, you know, with us and just spent a bit of time with us. And then when then after that it was it was pretty much us really doing it I mean, the parents etc, will get you know, we’re sort of getting volved and wanting to see them, etc. But, and again, to be honest this year, I mean, like I said it, it’s I’ll never quite know what it will be like in a way to have a kid in it when I say normally that without the lockdown, because that is thrown such an odd, you know, like an egg. You know, it’s hard enough as it is and unpredictable as it is but you know, I never would have predicted this kind of thing. And it that’s more we’re having to after obviously, six weeks or so no one can see them anyway. So we were very much he didn’t want to vote and that that was hard then just myself and Claire, you know, just just in that flat with the babies just going through that, you know, day in day out. It was it was tough not seeing anybody that we’ve we’ve still to this day, you know, never seen a health visitor. We’ve we’ve you know, where you get even that kind of support, you know, we never be baby meet. We haven’t been to any of that kind of stuff where you get to speak to other parents. see other kids interact, you know what I mean? And that kind of stuff. haven’t had any of it. And it it it’s it’s it’s been it’s been hard or just strange. Like said from that point of all that kind of stuff like picture doing with the kids, you know, in this first year. Basically none of its really happened. For plans we had just kind of put it to a halt a bit which you know you know a bit a bit a bit worried about the you know, their progression as well you know, knowing how important it is for them to be socialized and you know, seeing different people etc. And again, just sort of sort of had our hands tied where we haven’t really been able to do that.
Have you been able to get out of a flat at all with them maybe go to a park or anything like that or is it been stuck inside the whole time?
No, we had a first look that was about three months where jet you basically weren’t allowed to really go out and so we didn’t really we did go just walking locally with them you know, who were there to mitigate the lockdown these two bit we would regularly go up to sort of Windsor Great Park in some of the world parklands around where we live and things of that we you know, we wouldn’t go out constantly and again, we wouldn’t be able to meet with friends on the walk at least. So we do try and get out with the you know, as much as we can. Absolutely, yeah, we do do that. It’s more the lack of sort of meeting with other pen again at the moment you know, we’re back down we’re back locked down again. Now again, so
So speaking of milestones for your twins, are they are they walking yet? Are they still just crawling around?
Yeah, crawling round Aila was very stubborn. She She enjoys sitting and watching definitely with Jack’s into everything he you know Yeah, he’s crawling about you’re finding him all over the place. Which good is good fun. Aila can kind of you know, she can pull herself up and stuff and stand there but even the crawling she she she doesn’t seem particularly interested I’m what I’m wondering whether she’s going to be kind of one of those that walks you know, without crawling kind of just go straight to that. But yeah, jack jack definitely. You know, you leave him somewhere for two seconds, you’ll be off
Has that always been the case where your son is a bit more active or done things first before your daughter?
Aila teeth first teeth came through way before jack? Aila was smiling before jack actually. She smiled first. I think jack I think Jack was the best way almost like physically in a way he seems to be doing some more first you know he seems in his personality even even at this age to be kind of a bit more bolder, a bit more kind of carefree where Aila assumes a bit more reserved. You know a bit more thoughtful I’d say as well your jack doesn’t have a problem you know with kind of trying to just clear off the end of the sofa with no thought where Aila seems to know that’s not as good idea you know she’s lovely more held back.
How did the transition go when you started feeding them solid foods?
Yeah, when I first went to solids they they struggled I think like any baby does you know where it’s very new to them and very odd. They’re just figuring it out. But yeah has been initially they love their food. And so you know meal times or meal times okay? It’s not particularly stressful, which is nice. I much prefer than bulk feeding them. I can’t wait again I can’t wait for them to you know not to have to be making X amount of bottles a day and they could you know, either eat, you know, a portion of what we’ve cooked or or whatever you know,
is there a particular piece of baby gear or a toy or something that has been very helpful with your twins.
Practically the the bottle machine was an absolute lifesaver. I you know, I’ve heard anyway some people you know the kind of boiling you make a bottle and then you’re putting in boiling water to heat it up or or something like that. I’d gotten those people do that for twins if they are and so the book permission was an absolute must for us because it just made it you know you’re making so many when they’re young. That really helped the twin feeding pillow was a good one because again there was numerous times we were obviously on our own with them without the other partner at work or out shopping whatever it was. So using that feed them was a real godsend. And also we found there’s a product called a baby move which is a it’s kind of a it’s like a safe sleeping kind of support mattress that fits you know the kind of babies shapes or supports their head and has like a little curve at the bottom for the legs to kind of go over where the bum is. It supports them and it stops them rolling about but it’s safe. It doesn’t it doesn’t encroach up on their face, you know for weed breathing or anything. But that again was an absolute brilliant product way mentioned you could have them in it but you could you could you can move them anywhere in it and sort of lay down next to anywhere whilst they’re asleep without disturbing them. So yeah, that would that was that are probably top three items we’ve got, and we got, you know, the normal things like bounces, etc that helped either calm them or sue them or sit them in whilst you know you’re sat there doing other things. But yeah, baby move was brilliant. I’d recommend that to anyone.
So Rich, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out?
I’ve got probably the best one is there’s a count Instagram account, twin journey two, I’ve got which I set up specifically, you know, for the twins. And on that we’ve had, you know, actually quite a bit of contact form, you know, other people either about to have twins or I’ve got twins. Again, just sharing ideas, asking questions, you know, just chatting and supporting. So that would be the best way to get hold of myself and Claire.
Excellent. And we’ll link up to that in the show notes. for this episode. Rich, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it.
Yeah, thanks, Joe. It’s been brilliant. Really enjoyed chatting with you.
Hope enjoy the chat with Rich about his journey as a twin dad with his first crazy year with twins. If you want to connect with Rich, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes for this episode over at twindadpodcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like Rich Dad today on the podcast. I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] I’m also on Instagram and Twitter at @twindadjoe or facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. And I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads called “Dad’s Guide to Twins: how to survive the twin pregnancy and prepare for your twins.” You can learn more about this book and get your own copy at twindadbook.com. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time.
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