Finding an Au Pair for Twins with Brad Myers – Podcast 290

Joe Rawlinson by Joe Rawlinson - April 26, 2023

finding an au pair for twins

Episode 290 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes

Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Brad Myers, father of identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including:

  • Having twins when they already had a 2 year old
  • When one twin is smaller than the other
  • Made it to 36 weeks of pregnancy then birth via c-section
  • Hiring a night doula for a couple nights a week
  • Finding au pair that was a good fit from Argentina
  • Au pairs live in the home and you set the schedule
  • Hosting and adjusting to life with an au pair
  • Traveling with young twins
  • Challenges with twins vs a singleton
  • Getting twins on the same schedule
  • When twins don’t succeed with breastfeeding
  • and more…

Connect with Brad via email [email protected]

Podcast Transcript

This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes.

Joe Rawlinson
We’re continuing our father twin series with a father who shares their experience of hiring an au pair to care for their twins plus their older son. So we dive into all the details of how they found an au pair, kind of the work requirements, expectations, living arrangements and all that. So if you’re interested in that type of childcare for your twins in your family, stay tuned. We’re going to cover that and much more about his twin journey today.

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Intro
Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson.

Joe Rawlinson
Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com. Where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes. Today we have a great chat with a father of twins, whose identical twin girls are nearing the 20 month old mark some of the challenges he’s overcome welcoming twins into the family with a toddler singleton already in the family. Some of those dynamics, as well as a lot of great details about childcare option which you may want to consider for your twins and that is an au pair. We’ll dive into those details in a second. Before I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com Today, I’d like to welcome to the show father of twins, Brad Myers. Welcome to the show, Brad.

(RELATED: Check out the Dad's Guide to Twins Youtube channel for additional helpful twin tips and tricks videos.)

Brad Myers:
Great. Thanks, Joe. Nice to be here.

Joe:
Right How old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age

Brad:
so the girls are identical twin girls are 20 months and exciting about this age. Most most exciting is that we I feel like we’ve weathered some of the worst worst of the twin privilege of having twins in their early years, but they’re just super excited about life and kind of developing their own personalities. So that’s, that’s really fun to see.

Joe:
It’s fun when they get past that baby stage and they really start to express themselves and you see the personalities kind of foster and develop between and how unique they can really be. Yeah. So let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time? And how was that news received?

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Brad:
Yeah, so we, at the time, we had a two year old boy, and we thought that it might be time to try and see if we get add to our family and lo and behold we definitely added to our family. I can still remember that first appointment is it’s usually pretty standard. You go in, you find out you’re pregnant and then you kind of leave and the moment that the OBGYN was like oh my gosh you guys and so just that element of surprise on her end was enough. You know, and then she quickly followed it up with you guys are having twins and I think for us was like in that exact moment. I can remember looking at my wife Alex and I think both both of us shed like a single tear of like, okay, um, this is both cool and very stressful at the time because I mean with the two year old as well, it’s, it felt like our family just kind of exploded in an instant,

Joe:
especially having been a father already. And you’re in the middle of toddler craziness with a two year old. And we had a very similar experience where we I mean, we had two boys already when our twins were born, but we knew what a lot of all the efforts that they required, you know, to very young children, so when it’s when they’re like hey, you’re having twins I’m just thinking how we’re even going to manage the craziness. So two years, two years old, he was probably too young to really kind of grasp what was happening.

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Brad:
Yeah, it’s true. And I think that, you know, one of the takeaways and for fathers for your listeners this it’s it’s a really nice you don’t actually know what you don’t know when you’re having twins. And so, you know, my wife’s like, we got to prepare and this is gonna be a big deal. And I kind of took that whole like, I mean, what’s the big deal? I mean, the ads like it seems like maybe twice the work but you know, it’s it’s going to be fine. And so I think just going into it with you know, being prepared, but also there’s nothing that really can prepare you for twins. I jokingly with my wife, you know, we always say we don’t really take any sort of parenting advice unless the family has twins because it’s it feels just like it’s no disrespect to families who don’t have twins, but it is a definitely a different game and, and you you’re dealing with kind of a whole different set of scenarios.

Joe:
That’s true. I mean, as you know, because your father before it’s just a singleton, and you’re able to easily compare like okay, well this is different with twins. This is different with twins. Out of the pregnancy go for your wife and for the babies.

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Brad:
Yeah, that’s the only thing that you know, like I’ve heard from your podcast guests. It’s, it’s really, you know, that that’s, that can be somewhat stressful. I mean, fortunately for us, you know, we I think we’re probably on the luckier side in terms of just having a go fairly easy. I mean, there were moments where we were literally concerned just with the development of the their was you Sylvia was the smaller of the two Let’s say bye, bye little bit. And so Blake was kind of, you know, fat and happy and then that’s where the, you know, the doctors can kind of get a little bit concerned about, you know, just the nuances of sharing the, all the nutrition and how that kind of, you know, weighs itself out over the course of the entire pregnancy. So, my wife had a C section, the first for our first first son, and, you know, we were, it was kind of pretty much set up to have a C section again, just because of the way that that goes and, and so she we made it to I think it was 36 weeks. Fortunately with time you you forget some of the finer details. I know it was quite stressful at the time, but 36 weeks and they both they were in the NICU. I think two nights and then otherwise, we got to bring them home, you know, the on that third day, which was an experience in and of itself, of course, but you know, we feel very fortunate that we we had the the experience that we had

Joe:
so the girls were delivered to the USC Section as you would be. Yeah. Yeah. What do you remember? Do you remember about being there for the birth of your girls?

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Brad:
You know, on one hand, it’s like just surreal that they they show you one baby, your baby over the covering, and then it just it’s just a total trip that then they show you a second one just doesn’t just it’s still kind of crazy and that that’s actually a possibility. So then they kind of it. It was rather stressful on that whole like those moments where they kind of are looking you know, there’s two full teams of trained professionals to kind of make sure that they’re, they’re doing well out of the gates. And I just remember it was you know it, I’m kind of the one that I am I’m guilty of being a little bit stressed in situations like this, so I definitely felt like it was like okay, what are they do it now and then they’d like, you know, one looked like, you know, she was doing okay, and then the other one it was like, Okay, how she doing and see they don’t really talk much. So there’s a little bit of like, you know, craziness that the doctors prepared us for, because it’s like it’s just twice as many people than they normally would have in the in the operating room.

Joe:
Yeah, there’s a lot of people in that room. That surprise me too. And, at least for me, anyway, they’re like, Okay, Dad, you sit right here, don’t move and we’ll tell you when you can get up and look around. Okay.

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Brad:
Yeah, so and you’re worried of course. For your wife as well and how she’s doing with it all. And yeah, it’s, you know, I’m glad to say I’ve been there done that and we’re, we’re definitely we’re good with three. That’s, that’s for sure.

Joe:
The birth of your girls was the day of the birth kind of planned out or was it a surprise at the 36 week mark?

Brad:
No, it was it was kind of towards there was low fluid. So he was was getting low fluid if I’m remembering the terminology correctly. So it was it was really scheduled within a week where it was like, you know, it’s probably better that we we get them now. Rather than kind of waited out a bit. It wasn’t it wasn’t dire. But it was, you know, for our son being born. We had a routine appointment at like 3638 weeks and they said no, you should have them today because of low fluid. So it was it was that was more of a surprise. I think for us well was then then the twins.

Joe:
So that can be a little bit of time to assume, make childcare arrangements for your son.

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Brad:
Yeah, yeah, we had, you know, the grandparents really stepped up so we had they were kind of scheduled. intermittently, we did go the way of the night doula for which was she was a saint. So as as you know, the night doulas kind of exactly that she provides care throughout the night. You know, a little bit on the spendier side, so we kind of had to, you know, stagger those nights that she was around, but when when we brought them home you know, it was a really nice I would say it’s worth the extra the added cost. If you can have a night to look for, you know, two or three times a week. It just alleviates some of that initial stress of trying to feed and take care of two babies.

Joe:
So how did you find the night doula for you?

Brad:
I think it was we just kind of started looking around and it was wasn’t something we were overly familiar with. I think without twins, it probably wouldn’t have been something on our radar but we had gone through. We didn’t actually have a regular to lead to kind of help us through the process. So we we knew of that profession. And it was kind of like, oh, there’s somebody that can can help you throughout the night. And my wife just, you know, through I think she had a few interviews with an agency, a local agency here in Vancouver, Washington, and we’d found a woman who was like, really gifted. I mean, anybody who signs up to stay up with, you know, newborns or twins throughout the night. Definitely. Has my utmost respect.

Joe:
She have other spirits with twins.

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Brad:
Yeah, I think if we I mean this was feels like a lifetime ago now but she read kind of recruited the one that had experience with twins and and so again, it was just kind of she just provided that sanity check at like two in the morning. That is just so critical. When, you know, you and your wife are just trying to figure out, you know, up from down. So we I think that was a gift and then in terms of how childcare evolved, my wife was able to take some time off and then my son was in daycare, you know, I think was three times a week or maybe four times a week actually in that first phase but so that that kind of freed us up a little bit throughout the day, but definitely the you know, just the stress and the complexity of of childcare for like that many kids that are under, you know, school age is something I didn’t really appreciate, in addition to the cost and so that’s when we run you know, we started to run the numbers and you know, the au pair option. It just made the most sense, right, because you had both of these, you know, these two girls that are you know, newborns are more or less we didn’t get our au pair didn’t come along until like I think they were like about 18 So rather recently 1718 months we kind of got through that first phase with the girls and then our au pair arrived. And that’s just been huge for us because when you get it seems like you get twice the amount of care for about half the cost of what it would be to put them in in daycare to have like a nanny. I mean, because there’s so many different ways to do it. But we’ve we’ve had a great experience.

Joe:
Let’s talk about some of the logistics of finding this caregiver and what they’re doing. So first of all, how did you find the Au Pair?

Brad:
Yeah, that’s like, you know, that’s a bit of an art in and of itself. I mean, it’s an agency. So there’s there’s definitely several well known agencies out there but the one that we went with was cultural care au pair. And you know if you can think of it like a somewhat like an online dating platform, I mean, there’s like we you, you as the host family or the you know, the the parents provide your own profile. So we we shared some photos of our son and then the girls, you know, described our family like where we live and then in turn you would look at profiles of oak pears from, you know, any any country essentially you can think of, but, you know, primarily around like South South America, Central America, and then of course, you’ve got, you know, European au pairs as well. The visa requirements are such that, you know, usually it’s a quicker turnaround, from what I understand if you select somebody from, you know, Central or South America rather than Europe, just the way it works to get the visa. So, we had we did a lot of research, we really, you know, we wanted to make sure that we got the right fit and then, lo and behold, we, we discovered Brunello, which she goes by Bruni, from Argentina, and, you know, she just, she’s, she was like, young and energetic and, you know, ready she just seemed like a great fit for our family and very active and so she once she arrived it was it really felt like a natural fit and then just her bond that she had with you know, the girls and then Hatcher was That’s my son. Just really quite special and and really quickly adapted to the family. And so in that respect, she lives in the home right? So obviously, au pairs on like a nanny, au pairs the whole program is that they it’s more of like a cultural experience for them. So they get to improve their English if they want to they you know, they can take some courses at a local college or university. And in turn, they live in your home and, and you just kind of set the schedule, you know, week by week, in terms of how your work schedule goes and what’s needed. So you know, she provides 40 hours of care for our family, or for our girls rather. And it’s just been really a truly wonderful experience. And I don’t think we could have I don’t know I didn’t really get too far into the numbers but I know just offhandedly if you if you looked at like the where my son goes to daycare. I mean, the cost would have been massive for for sending two, two more children to his daycare and it’s not anything fancy. It’s just a it’s just the cost of seems like it’s just the cost of childcare these days.

Joe:
Yeah, that’s very common like you start sending more than one kid on to childcare and you know, one of the parents says their whole salary is going to pay for childcare all of a sudden. Okay, so she appears living in your home how do you kind of separate like work time from when she’s just, you know, a guest in your home kind of deal. How do you draw that line?

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Brad:
Yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s really, it takes work on on both sides. Right. So we’re super respectful. I mean, she has her own her own room, which, you know, to be honest, we’re, we’re, we’re in a home. I think it’s less than 2000 square feet. We’re three adults and three kids in this home. It’s a three bed two bath so you it sounds it sounds really tight. It’s it’s actually the way that home is laid out. It actually is. it’s manageable. I mean, it will not be manageable forever. But I had a home office, downstairs in on the main level and there’s a bathroom there. And then once she arrived, I moved my home office because I work from home to our bedrooms, so less than ideal because I could probably get away with doing about 20 steps a day if I if I really wanted to, but so she’s got her own room and that’s part of the requirements of the program is it’s got their own room. It’s essentially it’s their room. It’s not like you kind of like you know, she’s she’s not around or whatever it’s like it’s it’s specifically for them while they’re there in your home. And then you know, she’s got access, more or less to her own bathroom. Except during like that time and stuff. So you know, privacy and navigating. When she’s on and when she’s off has worked out, you know quite well we you know if if today, we’ll take today for example, she was she’s scheduled to be on it at noon and she’ll go until 7pm. So, and in between there’s is naptime for the kids, which, you know, besides a few things she’s you know, she’s free to use that time like as downtime. And then at seven, you know, she’s free to make obviously around her own meal if she wants to if she wants to be with us. That’s, that’s she’s more than welcome to but again, that’s craziness of bedtime. And we’re kind of doing our own thing anyways at that point. So she’s made great friends with other au pairs in the area. It’s just been a really positive experience. I mean, I know that it takes some effort on on your part to have somebody come into your home is isn’t totally natural but but when you look at when it works out really well like it has a new look at how much less stress you are you have has as a as a parents of twins and a toddler. It’s, you know, you you don’t ever question like, is it worth it?

Joe:
No, she got a contract for a certain number of months or timeframe.

Brad:
Yeah, so it’s it. The agreement is for a year so she arrives. For more I think it was actually first part of January and so technically it would go till, the first part of January, and she can renew for a second year as the program goes. But that’s entirely, you know, her choice or the family’s choice, like maybe it could be that she wants to go back home. You know, it doesn’t have to be a second year extension, but if they feel like they want to, they can extend for a second year.

Joe:
What’s the transition like social so you bring it into your home, like how do the kids react initially and how was that transition of them getting used to that?

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Brad:
Yeah, my wife got it was kind of like my wife’s an occupational therapist. So it was like the idea with with the Au Pair coming was that she could kind of start going back to work a bit. Halftime and that helped with the transition because it wasn’t like, you know, cut and dry were like one day they were with mom and the next. They’re with your parents. So that helped ease the transition. But really, it wasn’t so much the girls. That was the challenge. It was really my son who, you know, just given his age. He has a lot of, let’s say independence and opinion about who’s who’s around and who’s, who’s taking care of them. So that was, you know, that still remains the bigger challenge for the parents to try to break you know, break down that that kind of, you know, it’s if it’s not longer than it should be dad, and then, you know, anybody else is like a distant third. So she’s done really well with trying to we’ve, we’ve tried to, like, help cultivate that relationship. By having them go to, you know, go to Sky Zone and, you know, go jump on some trampolines or, you know, go get ice cream, just stuff that where they can really kind of feel more connected. So that when we aren’t around it, you know, it doesn’t stress her out. Because it can be somewhat of a stressful situation. If he’s upset and then you’ve got twins on top of it. We tried to kind of limit the amount of time she has with with all three because if you’re not mom or dad having all three, even even if your mom and dad having all three is can be a challenge.

Joe:
That is she get like a vacation time or days off or holidays as well.

Brad:
Yeah, so, you know, really her schedule runs essentially Monday through Friday, and then she’s free to do you know, whatever she’d like on the weekends. And like I said, she’s been very active and being like, social and she’s got some, you know, she’s made some quick friends and she likes to go to the gym. And she does all that on her free time. And then I think it’s about they’re entitled to two weeks of holiday for the year. So you know, we plan a good example that was the, you know, finessing that aspect of the program is if they come with, you know, if they choose to go with you on a family vacation, so for example, we went up to Vancouver Island for a week, and if they’re on during that time and working with your kids or being with your kids then that’s that’s a regular working trip, right? I mean, they there’s no it’s not considered vacation, but if you if they decide to come with you, and and you don’t schedule them for any help, then that would be considered, you know, holiday for them. In this case, it was of course there’s some added cost to adding somebody to a to a vacation, but all the same, to travel with somebody that’s ready to help out for you know, the majority of the vacation was it needed so that my wife and I could actually enjoy the vacation ourselves. I think maybe you’ve experienced this where some some vacations you go on and you’re just like man, not really worth it went when you figure out how hard it is to kind of address everybody’s needs on the road.

Joe:
It’s not really a vacation parenting, right? You’re still you’re just on a trip in a different place, which has its own level of new stresses because you have to figure stuff out, making everybody comfortable. Did you travel with the kids before you got the au pair so you can kind of compare and contrast?

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Brad:
Yeah, that’s absolutely so you take you know, you take our trip to why when they were younger, and then the idea is that then you’re kind of stuck between you know that in theory you’re like, Oh, if we traveled before there, they turned to then is to less plane to get zapped by but then you’re traveling before there too. And so it’s it was that’s just a trade off you make I don’t regret any you know, you looking back you never regret it. I mean, there are moments on a on a trip where it’s stressful, but I mean, we had so many great, you know, memories from Vancouver Island and we brought I invested in a cargo bike so it fits. It fits two on the back. And then I can actually retrofitted it where you could fit a third on the front. Some really it’s it fits all three kids. It I do get several looks some of them. I think being like oh my god you put your your whole family on that bike. I mean this that seems like a liability but it’s the only time where like all three of them there’s not really any like fussing. I mean it’s like they just they get on that bike they sit in their reading and their writing and and you’re just and then it frees up the other parent to do you know some other stuff or you know just it’s just a really been a really like, I don’t know I don’t know how I thought to get it but and then to be able to have the third one fit on there as well. That’s not gonna last forever but for right now it feels pretty good to when the house is melting down just to kind of put them on the bike and and start riding. And that’s why we took it on the on the trip because even though is it as cumbersome as it is to kind of load up onto a bike rack I mean it was so well worth the effort.

Joe:
That’s fine. It’s like once you find something that works to calm the kids down or make him happy. And it works every time. It’s like magic feather and he’s just like, yep, that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do that. Pull it up. So as your as your son in preschool, we’re going to preschool Sooners are is everybody home with the opare during the day,

Brad:
so he goes so that’s trying to live that goes back to like trying to limit how much time the au pair has all three of them. So he actually goes to his daycare, Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. Essentially from like, nine to four ish. And so that kind of and then my wife has, she doesn’t work on Tuesdays and so she’s able to kind of help you know with with some of the days where the all three of them are at home. For me working from home I mean that’s the bigger challenge because, you know, you just have a home office and so you know, you kind of you’re hearing crying and you know, it’s it’s both. It’s both wonderful and a challenge to to be able to work from home at this age because you have such easy access to them that it’s like fun to be able to be that close and you can help out with like a diaper change here or there or you just want to kind of see their faces for a moment. And sometimes they like blast through the door. You know when you’re sometimes in a meeting sometimes when you’re not in a meeting, so you kind of have to take the good with the bad and I feel as stressful as it is. I feel like it’s a privilege that we kind of evolved. I actually had a job, a remote job before COVID So I felt like I had actually had something on a lot of people and then now everybody seems to be able to work from home. So but in the sense that it’s feels like such a gift because I think about fathers many years ago, you know decades ago. You know they didn’t they were they would just seems like that classic like you leave that 738 And you’re not back until 536 and Monday through Friday. I mean, the amount of time that you get to be able to engage with your kids during the lunch hour. You know being able to go grab them from from daycare on the bike. I mean all of that is something that I feel like never was really available to a lot of parents

Joe:
as a troubleshooting. I was in the same boat as you I was working working from home before COVID And right there it’s hard to keep up some boundaries between you and the kiddos. But at the same time like you said, you know it’s it’s what a privilege you can just walk in and have lunch with him or seen him or whatever. As opposed to when I was packing cubicle life. That was not the case. Right. That’s great. So what what were some of the things that kind of surprised you because you had your son first you had a singleton you kind of knew the ropes of like having one baby. What were some of the things they’re like, I did not expect this when when there’s two of them and at the same time.

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Brad:
It’s all the stuff that I think you can you know that that comes to mind, right? I mean, the amount of diaper changes early on, right? I mean, obviously that gets better with time but just the changing and then the feedings were always you know, whether or not that you know, let’s just be honest, breastfeeding twins. I mean, as I’ve watched the challenges that my wife had with it, I mean, it’s it’s not super easy, right and even with a single technique, it can be provided quite a bit of stress and so with the twins, you know, trying to get them to be fat and happy so that when you show up to those many appointments, you know, early on, then everyone’s telling you, you’re doing the right thing and that they’re they they’re their growth charts and everything are going like they should I mean all that combined. I feel like that was kind of one of the core things that we were stressed about early on was just like really trying to make sure that they were getting fed and and then you go through some of the like the craziness of like that. We were on the tail end of that breast milk or formula shortage and that I couldn’t imagine I mean, if you were if you’re trying to feed, you know, one or two or I mean however many babies and you had to stress about where you were gonna get that I mean, to me that’s still like I felt like that was you know, whether it’s been resolved, but I remember us going and trying to find formula and it was it scary. So I think that that’s an aspect of it. With twins you know, early on when they we first brought him home if one was sleeping the other one was more than likely somehow discontent or stress or you know crying and that would only continue the cycle because while one was resting well, you know you she was you know she was sure to get up because she had slept well while the other one wasn’t. So then you just kind of are you’re in between like one baby essentially. I mean trying to get them on the same schedule was something we worked really hard at and I and I’ve heard it from some of your other guests and and how important that is with twins. It’s like I mean like it or not if one is sleeping peacefully, and the other one wakes up. It’s almost on you to kind of wake the other one up so that everybody can kind of like one’s not like sleeping for an extra hour. Because then your whole day is gone. Right because of the naps are off and it’s just it’s just something that we didn’t. We took seriously with a singleton we took like it was a religion with at least in the early days with with twins.

Joe:
I mean, it has to be because if they’re not on the same schedule, like you said, everything goes crazy. And you’re already you know, sleep deprived and trenches, just trying to make it to the next milestone that day. So your schedule is so important to maintaining your sanity and your routine. Okay, so you mentioned that your wife was breastfeeding. Was you she direct feeding them or was she just pumping and feeding from the bottle?

Brad:
Yeah, and so that was kind of a you know, we with our son he had the you know, and then oh, this is like if you if you look into it, it’s like leaped up to debate but we were believers that there was like a tongue tie where it’s like, you know the connection between you know, that you’re under underneath your tongue. And I know I’m losing all the terminology but that can prohibit an or inhibit successful breastfeeding because of the way that the tongue is, you know, there’s they’re not able to get a good strong latch. And so we actually had a minor surgical procedure where they can kind of actually you know, remove that that part of the not remove it, but like just kind of cut into it so that they can get a better latch and for for better or worse, it really worked well with our son and then with the twins, it was the same kind of scenario. So we we tried that and and it was an added stress to do that, but we were we’re really committed to trying to help them you know, breastfeed and have that as an experience and, and in the end they never really latched that well. And it was something where my wife just pumped for like six months. And that’s just kind of what we had to do. And then we supplemented a bit with with some formula. But I think that’s that’s another huge challenge that families face. It’s like it you really want something for your kids and you think it’s beneficial and then you’ve got to be able to, you know, just know that assuming it’s not life threatening. It’s like things aren’t, you know, things aren’t gonna go exactly as you’d like. And with twins, it’s it’s very much the case that you have to just be like, willing to say, Okay, we’ve done we’ve given it our best effort, and it’s just providing too much stress for, for us as parents and so we just kind of have to, you know, call it and then and we just moved on and it’s still something we wish was different but but they’re fine. I mean, they’re everyone’s happy and healthy and, and we just kind of moved on from that.

Joe:
That’s a great perspective because you lay out these plans of what the ideal should be. And in our case, like both you and ourselves where we already had a child we’re like okay, we kind of are gonna expect this to go a certain way and it doesn’t go that way. But you’re right, you have to just change course, pivot, do what’s working, try different things. And then, if it’s not gonna work, it’s not going to work. Our girls were Tongue Tied just like you’re describing to. They would not they could not latch and it was just miserable trying to get them to feed. We discovered this thing oh, this other tongue tied. Okay, well, here’s a procedure to fix that. So then they could latch and then our problem was with our very active toddler boys, which is like run circles around mom and the babies and the babies would be distracted and pull off the pull off the Preston wouldn’t be feeding. So it’s like it’s one thing or another. So you just have to kind of kind of do what works and just roll with it because it’s not going to be your experience isn’t gonna be like anybody else’s. I mean, it’s gonna be very unique to you and your family. So Brad is as you think back over the last couple of years now 20 months with your with your girls and as a father if one of your friends came to you and said, Hey, Brad, we’re gonna be having twins, you know, what, what would be the key piece of advice that you would give to them?

Brad:
Gosh, I mean, I’m actually waiting for that moment to happen. I just I’m desperate to have like one of my, you know, friends or close friends or friends or family to say that because I I mean, you know, I mean, I’ve jokingly was gonna say misery likes company, but it is just like a different ballgame. So I I feel like whenever I meet somebody with twins, I, you have this kind of immediate bond. So that’s kind of it’s a fun, fun club to be a part of. I think that you know, the advice is, you just you can’t do it alone. It’s not something that you can plan for. Where it’s going to be totally seamless. I mean, I think that going back to the singleton, I mean, the birth of a child, a single child is, you know, it’s such a special time and it’s also overwhelming at the same time, and so you just kind of multiply that by two, and some days are going to be better than others. And, you know, if you can just focus on the good small moments and making it to that first year, I think that that’s helped you turn a corner I know for us, you know, really dumb walking, you know, all these milestones, early milestones really kind of give you kind of that second wind where you’re like, Okay, I see that we’re, you know, this, the, you know, in the sense of it’s like you’re kind of taking an aircraft into the air I mean, you’re not you’re you’re like barely clipping the the trees treetops, and then you start to feel like okay, I’m, you know, we’ve made it. We’re kind of stable in the air now, and it just feels really good. Once you kind of see those milestones because

Joe:
it doesn’t if you’re if you’re looking at those as they come celebrate them as they come just look back every so often be like, Look how far we’ve come so far. Yeah, give us give some good perspective. So Brad, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s what’s a good way to reach out?

Brad:
Yeah, I mean, email is probably the easiest, [email protected]. And always happy to field questions about like, you know, specifically related to having an au pair. You know, some of the tips and tricks that we found worked for us, but yeah, just happy to be on and appreciate your show. It’s, you know, it’s just another resource and it kind of, you know, provide some level of sanity for for us dads out there that are trying to take on twins.

Joe:
Well, thank you for joining us. Today. Thank you for sharing your story. We really appreciate it.

Brad:
Cool. Thanks, Joe.

Joe:
Okay, hope you enjoy that chat with Brad about his adventures as a father of twins. I know I learned a lot about finding and hiring an au pair and some of the expectations that that would be as far as bringing that kind of caregiver into your home. So hope you found that useful as well. If you would like to share your story like Brad did today, I would love to hear from you. You can email me [email protected] or reach out on social media Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe.

Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book covers everything from a newborn phase, first year, to the first couple of years with your twins to help get you through those many initial milestones which makes life a little bit easier, day by day and month by month. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.

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