Here is a question from Brent. He says he and his wife are both band directors at two different high schools. She is taking time off, and Brent got offered a promotion to be an assistant band director. And so he’s kind of scared about taking that promotion and taking too much on, and not being able to be there for his family. And he asks, what would you do having gone through twins?
Brent, juggling work and promotions and balancing that responsibility that we have to provide for our families, and also be there to help raise and care for them, is a great challenge for any father.
My first thought is around your finances. With your wife taking time off, will your promotion help offset her lost wages, her lost income, and be able to support your family? If so, if you need that money to survive, you should take the promotion. If the money isn’t an issue, perhaps because the raise with the promotion isn’t that big, or you’ve already got what you need saved up, then this promotion at this time maybe is not the best fit for your family, especially if it will require more time away from your home. And with infant twins, you’re going to need a lot of help on the home front with your kids.
Planning for a Promotion with Twins
If you pass up this promotion, think about how that impacts your future career. Will the opportunity arise again? Could you transfer to another school and get the promotion later, is that a possibility? If you don’t have to take the promotion now, consider that option. Consider deferring that for later so you can focus on your family right now. Think about how much time you’ll have at home to help with the twins. The most intense time with twins is during the infant months and the first year. It is possible for your wife to handle the twins by herself, but it will be very difficult and completely exhausting.
Do you have any friends and family who can stay with you and help with the babies? If so, they could enable you to work as needed for band competitions or longer hours that a promotion at work might require. Remember that regardless of promotion or not, when you are home you’ll be on duty, and needed to help with the twins. This will mean overnight too, and helping will drain you physically and mentally. Sleep deprivation will impact your work efficiency during the day job. Can you juggle the promotion and a major lack of sleep? That is something to think about.
This decision is not easy. However, you can find the balance between work and family. In the case of a big promotion, it may require calling in extra help on the family front to help with the twins, or deferring the promotion, or declining it if you feel that it’s best for your family.
This question was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 36: Finding a Nanny for Twins, Biggest Help with Newborns, Work Promotion vs. Family.
Picture by Jill M