Twin Bond (What it Looks Like and When it is a Myth)

Joe Rawlinson by Joe Rawlinson - February 17, 2020

Real-world examples of the twin bond
Does the twin bond exist between your twins? If so, what does it look like in your home?

I asked your fellow twin parents on my Facebook page and they had plenty of examples of the twin bond that I’ll share below. Do any of them look familiar to you?

Twins Need Each Other

Twins can be the best of friends or the biggest enemies – all within the span of a few minutes.

They like to do things together and don’t want the other to miss out on the fun:

They push each others buttons but they need each other.
They push each others buttons but they need each other.

Your twins will demonstrate the constant need to know where the other one is. This may manifest itself in questions or tears when the other twin is missing.

Always has to know where the other is.
Always has to know where the other is.

Since my girls were little, I wondered when they finally realized they were “twins” and not just an extension of each other. As it turns out, other parents have observed similar connections:

They think they are an extension of the other.
They think they are an extension of the other.

Twins are Inseparable

A common theme between twins is that they can not be separated. They always seem to find each other and need to be with each other.

4 Critical Mistakes Expectant Twin Parents Make
They are seriously inseparable. They can not be separated at all.
They are seriously inseparable. They can not be separated at all.

Your twins may want to do everything together. Activities, sleep, school, playtime, and more:

Inseparable

Separated twins may be quite distressed when they don’t know where the other is:

Hard time being in separate rooms.
Hard time being in separate rooms.

Fighting But Can’t Be Apart

One challenge of always being with your twin is that you get on each other’s nerves.

(RELATED: Still expecting twins? Will you be having two boys, two girls, or boy/girl twins? Answer these quick questions to see what several old wives’ tales claim you’ll be having….)

This leads to fighting and fussing.

Fight and fuss but can't be apart.
Fight and fuss but can’t be apart.

However, that fighting often has a deep relationship underneath the surface:

Like an old married couple.

If one is out of sight the other is searching for his brother.

Always in Reach of Each Other

Since they’ve been together since their days in the womb, twins like to be physically together.

This leads them to try and connect physically whenever possible. Even if that is through the crib bars at night:

4 Critical Mistakes Expectant Twin Parents Make

Holding hands through the crib bars while asleep.

Your twins will also follow each other around the house.

Where one goes, so does the other. Everywhere.

Even as your twins get older, they will still want to be physically close:

Sill sleeping in the same bed and always touching.

Own Language

Do twins have their own language? While it might not be an official language, they do have a unique way of communicating with each other.

They have their own language.
They have their own language.

If your twins’ babbling sounds like gibberish, look closely as they likely appear to understand each other:

(RELATED: Expecting twins? Avoid these 4 critical mistakes expectant twin parents make.)

They understand each other's gibberish, even though it's quite different.

Sometime A is the only one who can translate for us.

As our girls got older, we saw this translator pattern frequently. If we ever didn’t understand one of our girls, the other could always tell us what was said.

Sleep Together

Our girls shared a crib for the first several months of their lives. Even after they graduated to their own cribs and ultimately, their own beds, we’ve found they like to sleep together in the same bed.

If one is afraid, we’ll find them both cuddled up together in the same bed.

4 Critical Mistakes Expectant Twin Parents Make

Your twins may even refuse to sleep in their own beds:

They refuse to sleep in separate beds.

They'd complain about sharing a bed, but would sleep in only one if I gave them two beds.

Encouraging Bad Behavior in Each Other

The old adage of “monkey see monkey do” is very true with twins. Your twins may bond together in that they share all their mischievous talents and behaviors:

One child picking up a behavior immediately after the other has been forbidden to do so.
One child picking up a behavior immediately after the other has been forbidden to do so.

Twin Bond? What twin bond?

As your twins grow through different phases they may be the best of friends or the worst enemies.

Perhaps they bite each other like Erin’s twins:

My girl twin biting my boy twins face.

Or steal each other’s toys and pacifiers.

(RELATED: Don't reinvent the twin parenting wheel. Get my 7 Things Every Dad of Twins Needs to Know.)

Right now, it may appear that your twins completely hate each other. That may be true. Some twins never bond and others turn into great friends later.

The Twin Bond Changes

However your twins are acting today, it will change tomorrow. Next week, they will be different still.

As time moves on, so matures your twins’ relationship with each other:

Sometimes it's fantastic with hugs and sometimes it's get away from me!
Sometimes it’s fantastic with hugs and sometimes it’s get away from me!

Nurturing the Twin Bond

As a parent, you can encourage your twins’ bonding by positively reinforcing the behaviors you’d like to see.  When they play nicely together, acknowledge that and tell them how much you love to see that.

4 Critical Mistakes Expectant Twin Parents Make

Author Christina Baglivi Tinglof shares more tips on nurturing your twins’ relationship here.

If you’d like more insight into your twin’s relationship, check out my chat with Dara Lovitz about raising emotionally healthy twins.

How about your twins? Do they have a twin bond? What does it look like in your home?

The twin bond is a strong connection between your twins. How it shows up with your twins may vary greatly. In this article, several twin parents share what the twin bond looks like in their family and when it is missing altogether.

Further Reading

Dad's Guide to Raising Twins book
Don't forget to pick up a copy of the definitive guide to raising twins. "Dad's Guide to Raising Twins" was written for fathers of twins to help guide you through the first several years with twins. Click here to learn more about the book and get your copy.

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