How to Handle Twin Temper Tantrums in Public

Joe Rawlinson by Joe Rawlinson - July 25, 2019

How to Handle Twin Temper Tantrums in Public

I received this question from Chris. He says, “What do you do when your twins have a total meltdown in the middle of the store?”

I want to give you a few things to consider in handling twin temper tantrums in public. Now, the first priority, of course, as a parent is that you want your twins to stop the meltdown. Here’s how to do that…

Keep Perspective

Try to keep this temper tantrum in perspective because the parents around you will fully understand what’s going on. They’ll know that it’s not necessarily your fault. They’ll know that your kids are having a temper tantrum, and as parents we’ve all been there before. You may get some sympathetic looks or comments.

But then there’ll be complete strangers around you that don’t have kids, or it’s been so long since they had young kids and they don’t remember this phase, and they may look at you with disdain. You may also be concerned for the safety of your kids in the store. So your first priority is to stop the meltdown.

Redirect Behavior

One way to stop the tantrum is to redirect behavior.

You may distract them with something you brought with you to the store: a toy, a snack, or an alternative activity that they can play.

Just like with stopping whining, redirection works in getting kids away from the meltdown and temper tantrum and focused on something that you want them to do.

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Focus on Good Behavior

Another thing that you can do is reinforce the good behavior that you want to see happen. Even if both twins are having a meltdown in the store, one of them is likely behaving better than the other.

Focus on the good behavior and praise and encourage that and you may see a quick turnaround in both twins.

Escape Plan

Sometimes positive reinforcement or redirection doesn’t work, and that’s when you need to make your exit.

(RELATED: Still expecting twins? Will you be having two boys, two girls, or boy/girl twins? Answer these quick questions to see what several old wives’ tales claim you’ll be having….)

It’s okay to abandon your visit to the store and walk out of there with your screaming kids. Sometimes that’s the best thing that you can do.

You may just need to sit with your twins in the car for a little while while they calm down, and then go back in the store and finish your business.

Or things may be so bad that you just need to give up and go home. That has happened to us. That’s happened to many parents like yourself. So don’t feel completely defeated or feel like a horrible parent when this happens to you.

Using your escape plan may just be your best option. And remember, your closest exit may be behind you.

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Post Game Analysis

Once your kids are home, they’re calm, and the incident has passed, you need to reinforce the behavior that you do want to see again.

The older your children get, the easier it is for you to carry on a rational conversation with them about past behavior.

You can talk about what happened, what went well, and what did not go well.

You must set expectations of the behavior that needs to happen the next time you’re out in public. This may very well prevent a tantrum from happening in the first place.

(RELATED: Still expecting twins? Will you be having two boys, two girls, or boy/girl twins? Answer these quick questions to see what several old wives’ tales claim you’ll be having….)

When your twins have a total meltdown in the store, try to stop the behavior, redirect it, reinforce the good that you do see. If all else fails, abandon the store and exit with your twins so that they can calm down. Afterwards, make sure you reinforce the behavior that you’d like to see next time.

I do talk more about the challenges of going out with your twins to stores and in public in chapter nine of my book, Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins.

This topic was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 87: Developmental Delays, Twin Temper Tantrums, Twin Movement During Pregnancy.

4 Critical Mistakes Expectant Twin Parents Make
Twin temper tantrums can drive you as a parent crazy. Here are specific things you can do to help stop those crazy fits when you are out in public.

Further Reading

Dad's Guide to Raising Twins book
Don't forget to pick up a copy of the definitive guide to raising twins. "Dad's Guide to Raising Twins" was written for fathers of twins to help guide you through the first several years with twins. Click here to learn more about the book and get your copy.

4 thoughts on “How to Handle Twin Temper Tantrums in Public”

  1. Great post. The escape point is usually my go to route. Although I don’t have twins the boys are very close in age that it can be a bit like it. Saying that though much respect to you. Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky hope to see you there this week

    Reply
    • @Martyn – I love the escape route too although it does wreak havoc on your errands if you couldn’t complete your tasks when you have to leave.

      Reply

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