Twins are Individuals (How to Encourage Individuality in Your Twins)

When our twins were newborns, I sometimes had trouble telling my twin girls apart. Sure, they are identical, so you can’t blame me, but I’ve come to realize an important thing:

Twins may look alike but they are distinct and unique individuals.

This becomes more apparent the older your twins get. As little twin babies, they often look the same, sound the same, and even move the same.

Twins naturally have a twin bond which ties them together throughout their lives. You don’t have to impose that on them by treating the twins as a combined entity.

I have identical twin girls and after a few months, when they started to be interactive, each started to take on her own personality. In fact, I could often tell them apart, not because of their looks, but because of their mannerisms, behaviors, and even the way they smiled at me.

Here are some ways to encourage individuality in your twins:

Treat Them As Individuals

Encouraging individuality in your twins starts with how you treat them.

Call each twin individually by name and avoid always grouping them as a pair. For example, are you always calling out “let’s go twins” or “let’s go girls”?

When activity is truly optional, avoid forcing one twin to do what the other is doing. Granted, you’ll need to make a judgment call here as a parent. For example, if one child doesn’t want to color, don’t stress out about it.

Encourage Individual Tastes

Ask each child what she would like to eat, do, see, play with, or experience. Look for opportunities to do those different activities.

Give your twins the opportunity to help make meals, pick the particular food for lunch, or choose which restaurant you’ll be visiting.

Let your twins experience many different activities to see which one they like most. For example, you may find one of your twins gravitates to dancing while the other prefers swimming.

Twin dad Justin Shull likes to take one-on-one time to do the specific activities that each of his children enjoy. For example, watch history documentaries together, playing a favorite video game, or doing an arts and crafts project.

Recruit Your Family

Let your immediate and extended family know that you want to encourage individuality in your twins. Share some of these tips with them and practice them in front of your family members.

Birthdays and holidays are great opportunities to have family members highlight the individuality of your twins. Have two birthday cakes. Get each twin a different present.

Clothing and Appearance

It helps others when your twins look physically different. This is definitely easier when you have girl/boy twins, and can even be easier if you have differing distinct characteristics on your same-sex fraternal twins.

I’ve shared some helpful tips for helping others tell your twins apart before in the event that your twins are identical. But the end result is the same: when people see different-looking kids, they are less likely to group the twins into an automatic pair and will be more likely to treat them as individuals.

When you dress your twins identically, don’t be surprised when others can’t get past the sameness of the pair.

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When they are old enough to express their opinion, let your twins pick out the clothes they want to wear. You’ll start to see preferences in their respective styles and dress. Or they may just decide to share or swap clothing.

Style your kids’ hair differently. Like clothing, they will start to have a preference as to what type of hairstyle they have. This will come up with haircuts and also on a daily basis (for example: pony tail or pig tails?).

Avoid always dressing your twins in identical outfits (especially as they get older). These matching outfits are cute but they fail to reinforce that your twins are individuals.

Call Your Twins Individually and Not as a Pair

One way to respect your twins is to refer to them by their names and not in general terms like “I’ll get the twins” or “the twins are sleeping.”

When you want your twins to pay attention to you, it will be quicker to say “come on girls” or “let’s go boys” than it is to say each individual name. However, you won’t get the response you want by calling them as a pair.

You need to call them individually. You need to call them by name.

Instead of saying “let’s go boys”, try “let’s go Michael, let’s go Bryan.”

I’ve found that calling to the pair as one unit just doesn’t work.

Perhaps there is too much ambiquity in the summons. Maybe my girls know I’m talking to them but ignore it because I didn’t call them out specifically.

Whatever the reason, my twins respond better when called specifically by name. Remember that even though they may be identical, twins are each unique individuals.

Try calling your twins individually, by name, and see if you get better responses.

Encourage your family and friends to likewise call your twins by name to better treat them as individuals.

Look for Uniqueness

Yes, your twins are twins, but they are also individual boys or girls. Look for the differences instead of focusing on the similarities and you’ll see just how different they are.

Pay attention to the little differences in your twins. You’ll be amazed at the long list of differences you can come up with in a short amount of time.

Celebrate these differences and encourage each twin’s development of unique hobbies and personalities.

For example, these twin dads identified unique interests in their twins:

• Ian Sadler’s nearly five-year-old identical twin boys are “deciding on what their unique styles of life are,” with one being “very sports focused” and the other enjoying singing and seeing himself as a “rock star”.
• Aaron Woland notes one of his twin girls seems more artistic, while the other is more scholarly.
• Jamie Tuttle, an artist, observes distinct artistic tendencies in his identical boys: one paints scenes, while the other scribbles to create unexpected results.
• Tyler Anderson notes that his twin boys have different aptitudes in areas like writing, reading, and spatial awareness, and differing interests such as fencing versus soccer, or pottery and drawing

Don’t Go Crazy

How others refer to your twins can be a pet peeve that annoys you to no end, or it can have no effect on you.

You decide how others’ comments impact your mood. Most comments about “the twins” are not made with malicious intent. Receive them as they were meant to be received. Take no offense and roll with it.

Give it Time

As your twins mature, they will develop very distinct personalities and tastes. These will manifest themselves in appearance and behaviors that will reinforce the reality that your twins are individuals.

Eventually, your twins will have an opinion on the matter and will be able to challenge other’s comments themselves.