What if One Twin Needs More Attention than the Other?

Question: “Is there a concern if one of the babies needs more attention than the other or you end up holding one more than the other? Is it important to make sure to split time pretty evenly for development and bonding?”

So this is a great question because as a parent of twins, your attentions will be divided more often than not. Both of your babies, both of your twins, will require attention and servicing throughout the day and it’s going to be difficult for you to take care of both of them at the same time. And so you may end up gravitating more toward one or the other. But don’t worry too much about giving too much attention to one over the other. There will be plenty of time for one-on-one attention from you and your spouse as you care for your twins.

Twins May Need Different Care

One of your twins may very well require more attention and care than the other. Perhaps one is colicky or has a very different disposition than his or her sibling in which case the physical attention needed to care for the baby will be different even between the twins. Just be aware that this could be the case and consciously plan for one-on-one time with the other child. So if you have a particularly needy twin, make sure you are also giving time and attention to the other.

For example, I try to rotate which parent cares for which twin if you find yourself falling into a pattern where one always cares for a particular twin. So, for example, if you’re always caring for one of your babies and your wife is always caring for the other try to talk about that and try to rotate it a little bit so that you can spend time with each of your children and get to know them better.

Make Time to Bond with Twins

Now, of course, bonding with your children is really a two-way street. There are feelings that you have and there’s feelings that your children have for you. So consider how you feel about the bonding experience. Do you feel like you’re giving enough attention and time to each of your twins? If not, try to shake up the schedule and think about how you can better spend one-on-one time with each of your twins even during the routines of the day. For example, for feeding, for changing diapers, for getting them dressed, getting them down for naps. Make sure that you rotate who has what responsibilities and you will be able to find the time that you need to bond with each of your twins.

This topic was originally addressed on the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Episode 68: Unbalanced Attention, Twin Nursery, Stop Fighting. Picture by Surlygirl.